Tuesday, April 27, 2004
The Ray Glimmers through the Grey Clouds on Me…
Yesterday & Today.
Finally, the sunshine peeked through a hole through the grey clouds. I’ve finally settled my problem of the post-FYP presentation.
After the long talk of about two hours plus with the people on my case, they acknowledged their wrong and responsibilities, and also apologized sincerely they unintentionally did on me then. We also cleared up all misunderstandings between me and them while we’re all on the FYP project.
I accepted their apologies. I would let that incident go, forgive and forget. I don’t want to bear too much grudges which cause nothing but pain in my heart carried throughout my life.
It wasn’t backstabbing like I initially thought and said. Perhaps I was too upset and was also confused and influenced by added over-emotions by my friends who are supportive of me.
I am grateful and thankful to have those who were by my side during the time I was very upset.
Although there is sunlight on me now, the grey clouds still loomed around me. Now, my friends who were supportive of me are having problems with those who upset me the first place.
Perhaps when they are supportive of me, they added their own emotions and their own personal grudges here and there they already had with the people involved from my FYP team.
When emotions mixed with logical sense and without objectivity, things get really blurred. We could only see what we expected to see and then things get really complicated.
The difference of the problems they have with each other of what I see in my supporters and those who had hurt me isn’t of any great difference. It is only closing of a different eye, either the left eye or the right eye.
They’ll have to settle their differences like I did. I will support by listening but I try not to comment too much on my dislikes on a person’s particular character traits, personalities and past misdeeds.
Or I’ll be affecting and influencing their mindsets and decisions, like what they did to me (but I do not blame them for that, it is human nature).
But I hope they would not settle their differences by basing their own grudges and dislikes on a person’s particular character traits, personalities and past misdeeds. Or you’ll never end anything at all, but create more obstacles between them.
“Who is to judge who’s right or who’s wrong other than Justice herself? Justice is not blind but blindfolded. She hears and feels the story of two opposing sides with her heart. Only when she passes out a sentence, she takes her blindfold down and looks into your eyes into your soul and conscience. Her eyes are sharper than the sword she holds.” ~ Eiizumi
Sometimes, I really wonder. Why things can’t be simple? Why humans scrutinised each others bad points?
I don’t think real justice is about what how much wrong two entities did to each other because what both did to each other was wrong either way. Justice will most probably punish both sides anyway.
The real justice that is needed to be serving is to that one side who suffered because of the wrong did by the wrong one.
Well, the only thing I have to say now is this; when you start blaming another person because of one big wrong thing he did, please remember how much good deeds he did to you before. You could say that misdeed the person done was a different thing to the good deeds he done to you before. Then, you might want to put yourself to the shoes of the other person and ask yourself what if you were him?
Well, they did hurt my heart, that big wound is still recovering still remains…
When damage is done, nothing can be done to go back to time and do the right thing we should do, again. The only thing we can do is to try and realise it first and prevent the damage from happening.
Learning to foresee (not predict or guessing without facts) is the best way to deal with averting future damages and everyone should learn it.
To have foresight is gift from God is indeed a true blessing.
There will be a big scar for this injury. I hope the scar serves as a reminder. A reminder of both good and bad side of human nature; a reminder of that a human is not perfect.
In all of us, there are always expectations of your friends. When they fail our expectations, we normally became disappointed, even hurt.
Sometimes we can see what some people couldn’t see. It is somewhat a supernatural ability, not one of that going against science, but one of seeing logic at many different levels.
Communication is the key to the expectations we want of everyone. We’ll need to try and express our own expectations of other people, or else they will not know anyway. If they knew it anyhow (not from direct sources), it would be misunderstandings.
I am very tired but I’ll still continue to make new hopes everyday…
Yesterday & Today.
Finally, the sunshine peeked through a hole through the grey clouds. I’ve finally settled my problem of the post-FYP presentation.
After the long talk of about two hours plus with the people on my case, they acknowledged their wrong and responsibilities, and also apologized sincerely they unintentionally did on me then. We also cleared up all misunderstandings between me and them while we’re all on the FYP project.
I accepted their apologies. I would let that incident go, forgive and forget. I don’t want to bear too much grudges which cause nothing but pain in my heart carried throughout my life.
It wasn’t backstabbing like I initially thought and said. Perhaps I was too upset and was also confused and influenced by added over-emotions by my friends who are supportive of me.
I am grateful and thankful to have those who were by my side during the time I was very upset.
Although there is sunlight on me now, the grey clouds still loomed around me. Now, my friends who were supportive of me are having problems with those who upset me the first place.
Perhaps when they are supportive of me, they added their own emotions and their own personal grudges here and there they already had with the people involved from my FYP team.
When emotions mixed with logical sense and without objectivity, things get really blurred. We could only see what we expected to see and then things get really complicated.
The difference of the problems they have with each other of what I see in my supporters and those who had hurt me isn’t of any great difference. It is only closing of a different eye, either the left eye or the right eye.
They’ll have to settle their differences like I did. I will support by listening but I try not to comment too much on my dislikes on a person’s particular character traits, personalities and past misdeeds.
Or I’ll be affecting and influencing their mindsets and decisions, like what they did to me (but I do not blame them for that, it is human nature).
But I hope they would not settle their differences by basing their own grudges and dislikes on a person’s particular character traits, personalities and past misdeeds. Or you’ll never end anything at all, but create more obstacles between them.
“Who is to judge who’s right or who’s wrong other than Justice herself? Justice is not blind but blindfolded. She hears and feels the story of two opposing sides with her heart. Only when she passes out a sentence, she takes her blindfold down and looks into your eyes into your soul and conscience. Her eyes are sharper than the sword she holds.” ~ Eiizumi
Sometimes, I really wonder. Why things can’t be simple? Why humans scrutinised each others bad points?
I don’t think real justice is about what how much wrong two entities did to each other because what both did to each other was wrong either way. Justice will most probably punish both sides anyway.
The real justice that is needed to be serving is to that one side who suffered because of the wrong did by the wrong one.
Well, the only thing I have to say now is this; when you start blaming another person because of one big wrong thing he did, please remember how much good deeds he did to you before. You could say that misdeed the person done was a different thing to the good deeds he done to you before. Then, you might want to put yourself to the shoes of the other person and ask yourself what if you were him?
Well, they did hurt my heart, that big wound is still recovering still remains…
When damage is done, nothing can be done to go back to time and do the right thing we should do, again. The only thing we can do is to try and realise it first and prevent the damage from happening.
Learning to foresee (not predict or guessing without facts) is the best way to deal with averting future damages and everyone should learn it.
To have foresight is gift from God is indeed a true blessing.
There will be a big scar for this injury. I hope the scar serves as a reminder. A reminder of both good and bad side of human nature; a reminder of that a human is not perfect.
In all of us, there are always expectations of your friends. When they fail our expectations, we normally became disappointed, even hurt.
Sometimes we can see what some people couldn’t see. It is somewhat a supernatural ability, not one of that going against science, but one of seeing logic at many different levels.
Communication is the key to the expectations we want of everyone. We’ll need to try and express our own expectations of other people, or else they will not know anyway. If they knew it anyhow (not from direct sources), it would be misunderstandings.
I am very tired but I’ll still continue to make new hopes everyday…
Sunday, April 25, 2004
Still Storming...
"Being a good communicative person is not only about telling how you feel about something, it is also about being open-minded, to listen, to understand and put yourself into other people's shoes." ~ Eiizumi
Ever since Wednesday...
Yes, I'm still currently under the storm between logical justice versus "we're right if we en masse together".
The night after the Wednesday's event, I went to called (or mobile messaged to those who didn't picked up their handphones) to say sorry for my part of wrong of being personal for typing those negative things in the slides for the presentation on Wednesday.
Most of them accepted my apologies said its all over anyway (but it felt like "its all over already, I don't blame you but it is all your fault"). Only Banu is the only person who didn't respond at all to my apology.
I did try to arrange a meeting for everybody to talk things straight out for the day after the Wednesday's event. But seeing everybody were still emotionally-attached and unstable to the Wednesday's event (even for my side of people supporting me). I decided not to put the meeting on that day but called it off as not everyone was there and I don't think anyone was ready for the meeting.
I decided to have time for eveybody to settle their emotions which were running high (for both sides of the situation).
I believe we should do norming for this upsetting event with only logical ways, not both emotions and logics. Because they are both a dangerous mix; one element strong could just set things explode. One of the worst things you can do when you're upset is to start a fight.
"We don't think clearly when we argue... What is going on? This doesn't make sense..." ~ Michael Lang, a professional mediator.
I've have to admit what I did wrong for my part, to amend these broken friendships I've revealed.
How to mend a broken friendship:
1. Swallow your pride
- The pride to think you're right in everything is an obstacle to to amend any broken friendship.
2. Apologise when you're wrong, even if you've also been wronged
- Well, somebody gotta start breaking that wall of ice before the whole friendship is destroyed.
3. See things from your friend's point of view
- Hey, what do you think if you have my character, my personality and the way I do things. What if you're in my shoes?
4. Accept that friendships can change
- We have different circles of friends. Especially when you don't meet one for a long time, friendships get more open. But you should be still connected as friends. Who wanna make more enemies?
As you can see all these methods above could be done easily without stubbornness getting anybody's way.
Cos' I think these are the proper ways to deal these kind of things.
I'm not going to apologise that I have done anything wrong of reporting the truth on the process of the whole project though, in accordance to my project management. Its simply to me, reporting all positive and negative factors and situations to the bosses when working in the society.
Of course, I admit I should have type in more tactful phrases and words that is more proper like those I've learned in the Managing Multimedia Projects (MMPJ) module in school.
Everything has two opposing ways, good or bad, advantages or disadvantages, direct or indirect. So you cannot blame everything onto one individual. You may think you have not done anything wrong directly, but how about indirect wrong of other relative consequences?
Your may think it is indirect, in a way you could not have predict, but wrong is still wrong. Just like you would say sorry to a person whom you accidentally hit while swinging your hands around, even you didn't see it. It is also just like the way I did wrong to you and you did wrong to me.
So did you think anybody is totally innocent in the event happened? No. Not even for those who were may be judged logically right.
So have you thought of what wrongs you did, directly or indirectly? By purpose or no purpose?
I've heard there is an upcoming meeting to normalise everything on Monday, but I'm not sure it is really going to exist as I'm not sure everyone is going to be ready for it...
"I may not be a totally good speaker, but I am quite good writer. I may not express myself well all the time, but I will try and listen and understand you so I can put myself in your shoes." ~ Eiizumi
"Being a good communicative person is not only about telling how you feel about something, it is also about being open-minded, to listen, to understand and put yourself into other people's shoes." ~ Eiizumi
Ever since Wednesday...
Yes, I'm still currently under the storm between logical justice versus "we're right if we en masse together".
The night after the Wednesday's event, I went to called (or mobile messaged to those who didn't picked up their handphones) to say sorry for my part of wrong of being personal for typing those negative things in the slides for the presentation on Wednesday.
Most of them accepted my apologies said its all over anyway (but it felt like "its all over already, I don't blame you but it is all your fault"). Only Banu is the only person who didn't respond at all to my apology.
I did try to arrange a meeting for everybody to talk things straight out for the day after the Wednesday's event. But seeing everybody were still emotionally-attached and unstable to the Wednesday's event (even for my side of people supporting me). I decided not to put the meeting on that day but called it off as not everyone was there and I don't think anyone was ready for the meeting.
I decided to have time for eveybody to settle their emotions which were running high (for both sides of the situation).
I believe we should do norming for this upsetting event with only logical ways, not both emotions and logics. Because they are both a dangerous mix; one element strong could just set things explode. One of the worst things you can do when you're upset is to start a fight.
"We don't think clearly when we argue... What is going on? This doesn't make sense..." ~ Michael Lang, a professional mediator.
I've have to admit what I did wrong for my part, to amend these broken friendships I've revealed.
How to mend a broken friendship:
1. Swallow your pride
- The pride to think you're right in everything is an obstacle to to amend any broken friendship.
2. Apologise when you're wrong, even if you've also been wronged
- Well, somebody gotta start breaking that wall of ice before the whole friendship is destroyed.
3. See things from your friend's point of view
- Hey, what do you think if you have my character, my personality and the way I do things. What if you're in my shoes?
4. Accept that friendships can change
- We have different circles of friends. Especially when you don't meet one for a long time, friendships get more open. But you should be still connected as friends. Who wanna make more enemies?
As you can see all these methods above could be done easily without stubbornness getting anybody's way.
Cos' I think these are the proper ways to deal these kind of things.
I'm not going to apologise that I have done anything wrong of reporting the truth on the process of the whole project though, in accordance to my project management. Its simply to me, reporting all positive and negative factors and situations to the bosses when working in the society.
Of course, I admit I should have type in more tactful phrases and words that is more proper like those I've learned in the Managing Multimedia Projects (MMPJ) module in school.
Everything has two opposing ways, good or bad, advantages or disadvantages, direct or indirect. So you cannot blame everything onto one individual. You may think you have not done anything wrong directly, but how about indirect wrong of other relative consequences?
Your may think it is indirect, in a way you could not have predict, but wrong is still wrong. Just like you would say sorry to a person whom you accidentally hit while swinging your hands around, even you didn't see it. It is also just like the way I did wrong to you and you did wrong to me.
So did you think anybody is totally innocent in the event happened? No. Not even for those who were may be judged logically right.
So have you thought of what wrongs you did, directly or indirectly? By purpose or no purpose?
I've heard there is an upcoming meeting to normalise everything on Monday, but I'm not sure it is really going to exist as I'm not sure everyone is going to be ready for it...
"I may not be a totally good speaker, but I am quite good writer. I may not express myself well all the time, but I will try and listen and understand you so I can put myself in your shoes." ~ Eiizumi
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
The Grey Clouds and the Rains...
"When a friend hurts you, your instinct is to protect yourself." ~ William Wilmot
Today, Wednesday.
Thunder and lightning ruled the gloomy day. I just had a very unhappy and sad day. I finally broke out what I couldn't take it laying down anymore, but I guessed I did it in a wrong way.
I was wrong but was also wronged by others.
I cried for my broken friendship today... I was hurt, upset and I was scared and didn't want things to end like this for a milestone of my polytechnic life...
I hate losing friends... I treasure my friendships just like most people do.
It was the FYP final presentation. The time to end this stupid thing everyone in my team has been slogging on, perhaps pulling us down in some ways.
I was the project leader and I was project manager. So I did for presentation slides for the final assessment. Perhaps I was in too long of prolonged stresses and frustrations, I typed into the slides of what is true but negative about the project. It was the truth I've tried to display but I admitted it shouldn't be there for the sake of good grades. I did that because it was something more personal to the rest of the general people in the team. But I did not particular aim at anybody.
This was quite a setback for the presentation as when the panel of judges for the presentation found out that there were meanings deeper in my words in the slides, and had asked very threatening questions. I wasn't doing much of the answering, but the rest of the team was, but there tried very hard and almost couldn't get ourselves out of the danger.
That was for the last few slides of the presentation, and before that we shown a lot good work, well done. But they though my last few slides might screw it all up.
Being a leader in the FYP team to me is an honour. But as a leader, I'm also having the position of being the project manager. Yet being a project manager, I can't schedule anything. From monetary resources to time, I have no control over them without all of these things, I couldn't predict and plan.
Even the human resources are not coordinating well and were blinded doing their own contributions. But the common goal was somewhat lost. So what am I going to do? To lead them to progress better, of course. But without their proper support and mandate, I'm nothing of a leader, not even that little of a project manager.
But in the name and sense of being a professional leader and a project manager, I should state all positive as well as negative factors on the project. After all, it is an assessment as well as an evaluation of judgement how well wrok was done, not only how well you end product is.
And you can't always deny the fact that you are not one of the factor for my failure as a leader and as a project manager. You didn't take initiative to report what are you doing now, even though you took your initiative to do your work. You didn't report how are you doing things right now. If I'm suppose to ask you those questions every time now and then, you will definitely feel I am irritating you, that I'm not even doing your job, so you don't bother to report to me.
There is no such thing as a perfect project. If they are problems and negative factors, we should say those things out so we can learn them so that we wouldn't make that kind of mistakes in the working world in the future. It is also after all an evaluation.
That was especially true for my assessment as being a leader as well as a project manager, even if you think this was being crazy and sucidal to my own grades. But like what I learnt for Managing Multimedia Project (MMPJ) module. Even a good project manager with good records of successful projects, may fail once in while.
Its not only your inidividual assessment and your inidvidual evaluation. Its also mine.
I felt I was only a commodity for being use of my superior documentation skills and my "helpfulness" in the first place, just like some of you all said I'm a "documentation guy" or "paperwork boy" in my Friendster profile testimonials.
I want to contribute significantly as well, in accordance to my job scope, just like you all do. Not doing small, small stuff for you all and get nothing in return (I will make no sense of achievement in that way), and when I reject to do these small, small stuff for you, you say and think that I'm no good for bigger things, like being as your leader.
After all these years of work, I may not be as fast, agile or even as pro-active to solve problems as I used to be. I am tired, you know, people get tired. But it doesn't mean when I'm slow to do something, it give someone else the right to take my job away. At least you should get my recognition and agreement first; you should care how I feel about this, this way...
For these initial years in my polytechnic life, I had been hardworking, helpful and sweet to everybody (if they ever recognised these). I have been a person of good heart. I like to help people; I am honoured to step in.
Every person I helped I would ensure I would help them to the fullest. In fact, it was a stressful deed to help people, because if I want to help them to the fullest, every single, irritating details of the work in that help is definitely frustrating.
If you don't help them well, they'll not trust you with anymore things to do. When you reject helping people, they think you're not helpful. When you help people for too long, they'll start to take you for granted, taking your help for their own conveniences without even trying to solve their own problems the first place. They'll just depend on you, and when you screw up, they blame it on you.
As I felt being used, I felt I've been abuse of my goodwill and emotions, for too long. So I started to reject people, rejecting to help when they asked for my help. Of course, by rejecting to help, they don't like it at all.
But if you questioned and asked for my help, can't I have the simplest options to either say "Yes" or "No"?
If I say "Yes" to help and no reasons were asked, why can't I say "No" with no reasons replied (even I really have my reasons, definitely)?
In the past, when I agreed to help people, I'll just do them the best for you. But when I asked you for something to help me, you ask in return would ask why, what and where...
From then on, I realised I have been used, so in order protect myself, I reject any help people ask for, or show reluctance to help. So, in my FYP team, when the people in my team ask for my help, I would take some time to consider it first, whether you or even the situation is worth for my help.
It is not as easy as "we're in the same team; we ought to help each other". From my experiences with the team members, and a whole lot of previous projects, I know their different characters and personalities. They have character flaws, and sometimes I reject to help is because of their character flaws in which they deal with situations with a lot of risks. I don't reject not you as a person, as an inidvidual.
I accept you as a friend, as a unique individual, and I accept all your good and bad characters as well. But I definitely wanted you to be a better person than you are before.
That is why "the better friends you are, the more likely you face conflicts."
If I think and know you're going to do something wrong, I shouldn't help you to do it. It is as simple as that. Can't I have my own opinion?
Perhaps, I got too personal on the presentation content. I am really sorry for being personal.
But my team have seen the content, and even if you didn't see it, it doesn’t give you the right to blame everything that went wrong on me, just because you didn't disagree with the content. A wrong have always at least two sides to blame, directly or indirectly.
Moreover, it doesn't give you all the rights to shoot me and stab me behind my back without my fair presence. Worst still, you all ganged up and pour all you dissatisfactions, big or small, personal or not personal, shooting me in particular, in front of my lecturer.
I think deserve less of that.
That's why I cried after you all did that. You all have hurt me, by justice or injustice...
"When a friend hurts you, your instinct is to protect yourself." ~ William Wilmot
Today, Wednesday.
Thunder and lightning ruled the gloomy day. I just had a very unhappy and sad day. I finally broke out what I couldn't take it laying down anymore, but I guessed I did it in a wrong way.
I was wrong but was also wronged by others.
I cried for my broken friendship today... I was hurt, upset and I was scared and didn't want things to end like this for a milestone of my polytechnic life...
I hate losing friends... I treasure my friendships just like most people do.
It was the FYP final presentation. The time to end this stupid thing everyone in my team has been slogging on, perhaps pulling us down in some ways.
I was the project leader and I was project manager. So I did for presentation slides for the final assessment. Perhaps I was in too long of prolonged stresses and frustrations, I typed into the slides of what is true but negative about the project. It was the truth I've tried to display but I admitted it shouldn't be there for the sake of good grades. I did that because it was something more personal to the rest of the general people in the team. But I did not particular aim at anybody.
This was quite a setback for the presentation as when the panel of judges for the presentation found out that there were meanings deeper in my words in the slides, and had asked very threatening questions. I wasn't doing much of the answering, but the rest of the team was, but there tried very hard and almost couldn't get ourselves out of the danger.
That was for the last few slides of the presentation, and before that we shown a lot good work, well done. But they though my last few slides might screw it all up.
Being a leader in the FYP team to me is an honour. But as a leader, I'm also having the position of being the project manager. Yet being a project manager, I can't schedule anything. From monetary resources to time, I have no control over them without all of these things, I couldn't predict and plan.
Even the human resources are not coordinating well and were blinded doing their own contributions. But the common goal was somewhat lost. So what am I going to do? To lead them to progress better, of course. But without their proper support and mandate, I'm nothing of a leader, not even that little of a project manager.
But in the name and sense of being a professional leader and a project manager, I should state all positive as well as negative factors on the project. After all, it is an assessment as well as an evaluation of judgement how well wrok was done, not only how well you end product is.
And you can't always deny the fact that you are not one of the factor for my failure as a leader and as a project manager. You didn't take initiative to report what are you doing now, even though you took your initiative to do your work. You didn't report how are you doing things right now. If I'm suppose to ask you those questions every time now and then, you will definitely feel I am irritating you, that I'm not even doing your job, so you don't bother to report to me.
There is no such thing as a perfect project. If they are problems and negative factors, we should say those things out so we can learn them so that we wouldn't make that kind of mistakes in the working world in the future. It is also after all an evaluation.
That was especially true for my assessment as being a leader as well as a project manager, even if you think this was being crazy and sucidal to my own grades. But like what I learnt for Managing Multimedia Project (MMPJ) module. Even a good project manager with good records of successful projects, may fail once in while.
Its not only your inidividual assessment and your inidvidual evaluation. Its also mine.
I felt I was only a commodity for being use of my superior documentation skills and my "helpfulness" in the first place, just like some of you all said I'm a "documentation guy" or "paperwork boy" in my Friendster profile testimonials.
I want to contribute significantly as well, in accordance to my job scope, just like you all do. Not doing small, small stuff for you all and get nothing in return (I will make no sense of achievement in that way), and when I reject to do these small, small stuff for you, you say and think that I'm no good for bigger things, like being as your leader.
After all these years of work, I may not be as fast, agile or even as pro-active to solve problems as I used to be. I am tired, you know, people get tired. But it doesn't mean when I'm slow to do something, it give someone else the right to take my job away. At least you should get my recognition and agreement first; you should care how I feel about this, this way...
For these initial years in my polytechnic life, I had been hardworking, helpful and sweet to everybody (if they ever recognised these). I have been a person of good heart. I like to help people; I am honoured to step in.
Every person I helped I would ensure I would help them to the fullest. In fact, it was a stressful deed to help people, because if I want to help them to the fullest, every single, irritating details of the work in that help is definitely frustrating.
If you don't help them well, they'll not trust you with anymore things to do. When you reject helping people, they think you're not helpful. When you help people for too long, they'll start to take you for granted, taking your help for their own conveniences without even trying to solve their own problems the first place. They'll just depend on you, and when you screw up, they blame it on you.
As I felt being used, I felt I've been abuse of my goodwill and emotions, for too long. So I started to reject people, rejecting to help when they asked for my help. Of course, by rejecting to help, they don't like it at all.
But if you questioned and asked for my help, can't I have the simplest options to either say "Yes" or "No"?
If I say "Yes" to help and no reasons were asked, why can't I say "No" with no reasons replied (even I really have my reasons, definitely)?
In the past, when I agreed to help people, I'll just do them the best for you. But when I asked you for something to help me, you ask in return would ask why, what and where...
From then on, I realised I have been used, so in order protect myself, I reject any help people ask for, or show reluctance to help. So, in my FYP team, when the people in my team ask for my help, I would take some time to consider it first, whether you or even the situation is worth for my help.
It is not as easy as "we're in the same team; we ought to help each other". From my experiences with the team members, and a whole lot of previous projects, I know their different characters and personalities. They have character flaws, and sometimes I reject to help is because of their character flaws in which they deal with situations with a lot of risks. I don't reject not you as a person, as an inidvidual.
I accept you as a friend, as a unique individual, and I accept all your good and bad characters as well. But I definitely wanted you to be a better person than you are before.
That is why "the better friends you are, the more likely you face conflicts."
If I think and know you're going to do something wrong, I shouldn't help you to do it. It is as simple as that. Can't I have my own opinion?
Perhaps, I got too personal on the presentation content. I am really sorry for being personal.
But my team have seen the content, and even if you didn't see it, it doesn’t give you the right to blame everything that went wrong on me, just because you didn't disagree with the content. A wrong have always at least two sides to blame, directly or indirectly.
Moreover, it doesn't give you all the rights to shoot me and stab me behind my back without my fair presence. Worst still, you all ganged up and pour all you dissatisfactions, big or small, personal or not personal, shooting me in particular, in front of my lecturer.
I think deserve less of that.
That's why I cried after you all did that. You all have hurt me, by justice or injustice...
Monday, April 19, 2004
The White Clouds...
"The white clouds may seems to be slowing floating to somewhere in the skies, but the winds are taking them fast around the Earth every day and night." ~ Eiizumi
This weekend's Saturday and Sunday...
Saturday . I woke up late near noon and I lazily got my body of of my bed. As usual, I brushed washed my hair, washed my face and brushed my teeth to prepare for the day.
I took some lunch of chicken rice my mum got it for me before I head back to my room again in earliest of the afternoon and started doing my work for my FYP prospectus, final report and compile other documentations. To keep myself alive, I played all my favourites songs by Stefanie Sun, so as to motivate myself to work non-stop.
This music motivation strategy normally never fails.
It helped me to complete the majority of the prospectus, in which others were to be filled in by the rest of my FYP team members' profiles on how they felt about this FYP or PROJ module. I've also managed to start off some areas of the final report and compiled some documentatiopns of all the production and post-production work which we already did.
After some while, I was given a SMS by my friend Meng Kiat that he was heading for town along with Chee Wee and Kent for a LAN gaming session. I did initially refused. After about half an hour later, I managed to complete my work of what I set myself a target to complete for the day already. The music motivation helps me progress my work really tremendously and fast.
Feeling a bit stressed over my finished work and the tiring weekdays, I've decided to change my mind to join them instead.
Or perhaps I was heading for the city there to search for something I felt I've lost instead... At the LAN gaming session, I didn't even cared for the victory and lost I've made in the games. I wanted to have the pure fun of playing.
I was simply venting my boredom or my lost of something just missing in my life.
Sunday . I woke up at 8.20am even before my alarm radio woke me up. I felt pretty tired after the previous midnight of hard work, even though I went back home late. I was determined and I made sure I woke up yesterday morning, so I took a look at the rising sun which tinted the scenery outside my window with yellowish-orange glory. Which certainly helped me brighthen up myself for the full day of activities ahead.
After my usual morning wash-up, I went to dress up myself nicely for the day and got myself a mug of nice warm Milo. I listened to my favourite songs in the morning while I drink my morning refreshment. It certainly helped me perk me up.
After that I immediately went to the Chinese Garden MRT station platform to wait for my female friends who are from my secondary school graduate class. One of them was Yieling who had an activity for her cell group from the City Harvest Church yesterday. The other friend was the cool, cold and aloof-looking Vivian Koh.
Vivian, just like me, was not a member of Yieling's Chirstian church but came along with her to have some fun.
Vivian, from her usual facial expression, she looks absolutely very cold, aloof and very untouchable-looking (meaning "dao" lah). But in person, she's quite a warm, open and kind person.
In fact, she is just like me, slow to warm up on social events (unless she's already warmed up), I guess.
Frankly speaking, I am attracted to her now her prettiness and even during the secondary school times. I just don't know why, I am just attracted to pretty ladies with dimples, who are thin or fit, with A-Cup to B-Cup range, with that unique factors of being cool, untouchably cold and aloofness, just like me (but I'm slightly more shy), but I am just curious to get to know these kind of girls. I really don't know why I have such a unique taste, so please don't ask.
It may have sound familiar if you have known my other similar encounters... (For example, my idol, Stefanie Sun YanZi! Hee hee...)
Anyway, I was waiting for the girls to get to the meeting place and then go off together to Sentosa. But they were late for about 20 mins, I waited there for almost half an hour because I was early. Being a gentleman, I have the patience and so I waited, but I was getting bored and was a bit tired already. I couldn't possibly rush them to come but I dropped hints on my SMSes to them. I simply told myself girls take more time to pack up their stuff, dress up well and do their make-up.
When they finally arrived, I had just sent another "hint". They offered their apologies but I accepted them without any say or actions (and they thought I was angry. Haha...) Both of them were in pretty pink of casual wear and cool sunglasses. But they were surprised of my attire and said I was wearing too nice for the occasion because I was in some sort of flowery hula shirt (the one with a lot of holes).
I simply told them I would be changing into a T-shirt later because I'm not going to run around the island with that hula shirt of mind and sweat like a squeezed sponge, even thought the shirt was cooling with holes.
So we took the MRT transit and reached the Harbour Front. We took a while to wait for Ann, one of Yieling's friend, before we took a shuttle bus together to Sentosa.
When we finally reached the place at the Siloso Beach, they were about total of 14 people (including ourselves) for the activities. We introduced ourselves and talked to one another to warm up the relationships. But I'm pretty sorry I can't remember all the names and faces I have met, I've really have a bad memory in this area...
After that, Ming Xuan, a fellow junior polymate from the School of Electrical, Electronics and Engineering, the chief games enforcer briefed us on the whole day's event and then we have some small games first. The first game was pretty simple, each person had a clue of paper sticked to everyone's back. The person have to guess his or her clue by asking indirect questions from the others who know what their own clue is.
There was only two types of categories of the clues. Cartoon characters or Singapore's places of interests. These two categories also differentiates people of two different teams of the real big game of "The Amazing Race" games later.
Mine was too simple, I took a look at other people's "places of interests" and I tried to guess the odd clue out on me. I only asked three questions on just one person and I got my clue correctly, it was "Zoo".
Next, we started with the big game at around 11.50 am.
There was Yieling (as the team leader), Vivian, Jeremy, Luo Wei and Darren in my team.
The first station we had to go by a bag of clues was to the Butterfly Park and Insect Kindom. We smartly took the monorail the the place. The task we have to do there was to have five members of the team jumping up, with our legs up and another member taking a digital photo on it as evidence because there was no game leader there.
The second station was to the Fort Siloso. This time we took the Blue line shuttle bus back to where we started and headed for the station. We only have to answer some quizzes by another game leader. Most of us got two out of two questions correct. We scored 9 out of 12 correct altogether, while we heard that the previous team got only 5 out of 12. For the wrong questions answered, we're forfeited by running arounfd an old British cannon to penalise our time.
The third station was to the Palawan Beach. There we have to go into the sea, blow a balloon as big as a typical head size and pass it under our legs in the water when we're in a line. Then, we have to bite the apple hung only by a string with absolutely no hand contact. With my bucky teeth, I was chosen to the "vanguard" to have the first bite for the apple. Initially, I found it difficult to do it, the others also tried. It was pretty disgusting because each person tried to bite it, there would be saliva. But we washed the apple with nothing but water from our bottles. The, I finally succeeded in getting that first bite.m The, the others got the consequent bites. Again, we took digital photos on it as evidence because there was no game leader there.
The fourth station was to the "Gunung Lagu" in the clue, which meant "Mountain Song" in Malay, after asking some other Malay people around. It was at the audience seats at the Musical Fountain. It was the worst station where it rumoured we have to eat mealworms... But then, we only have to answer some quizzes given by Ming Xuan, with Darren being slient and doing actions for the rest of his team to guess what the answers are.
We are submitted to torture of having some food. We have to "lucky draw" lots for our food. But we got the worst, we need to eat many, many small bread sandwicheds with wasabi fillings and raw eggs! I bravely took the raw egg because I thought I am "well-trained" by eating semi-raw boied eggs at home. But I failed to finished the whole egg as the egg white was really disgustingly gooey-looking and had a pretty weird raw smell. I was fined with the taste and smell of the raw egg yolk, but the raw egg white was horribly hard to swallow. I almost puked and tear filled my eyes.
*Ugh!*
But we all managed to survived that task at that station as the rest of the guys also took the stinking raw eggs as a punishment for not finish mine...
Another task was to take three mealworms for the rest of journey and make sure they survive and be alived at the end og the game or there'll be points penalised.
The fifth station was at the Artist Village area. This station was very boring! "Waiting" was the key to the solutions, because we needed to find passing people with particulars items and criteria in them, but the place really didn't have a lot of people. So the best place to wait for our chance to get our tasks done was to wait at a nearby bus-stop. Even there, there ain't a lot of people around.
Moreover, Ming Xuan was with us to see whether we break any rules of the tasks we needed to do.
For about an hour and slightly over, we waited and approached many people who may matched our criteria, so that we could take digital photos with them and get them to sign initials on our paper.
Vivian even hailed down passing cabbies to ask whether they match several of the criterias.
But there was only one last criteria to complete. Initally, we didn't know that we could abandon some criteria tasks, till Ming Xuan told us in the near end. Getting the criterias right to match the tasks helped us score some marks according to how many we got them.
Just when we're about to give up the last criteria of finding someone with Adida shoes, we finally got a person for the task.
We decided to abandon our sixth station for a penalisation of 10 point and headed straight for the last, because it was already about 4.20 pm when we left the fifth station and we had to be at the last station by 4.30pm or else we could have 5 points penalised for every 10 minutes late for the last station.
My team reached the last station back on the Siloso Beach on time, but the other team didn't. They were late for about 10 mniutes, hence a penalisation of 5 points. But both of our teams were almost at par for the points, with my team only leadin by 5 points.
The last station was to be the most fun and was the determining game station for any team to win. We had a water bomb war and had to steal each other sandals in an area. Those who are hit by water bombs have to return back to there team base and could not hold onto their sandals they stolen. I strategised my team to waste the opponent team's to waste their water bombs.
And our strategy works!
My team emerged victorious as the opponenent team wasted their water bombs on "decoy moves" to steal their sandals and ran out of the water bombs. They couldn't retaliate at all in the end and so our team got all the sandals to our team base.
After the all fun of punishing the losing team with flour all over them, we all have our well-deserved showers, and then later dinner together the the foodcourt at the Harbour Front Mall, where we ate and chatted together.
Then, we all went our separate ways home. Yieling, Vivian and I took the same MRT transit line westwards back home. On the train, we had a long chat and shared our individual experiences of things that happened in our separate lives.
It was very interesting that we off any topics, even we haven't met for a long time... Because we're all old friends already.
"The white clouds may seems to be slowing floating to somewhere in the skies, but the winds are taking them fast around the Earth every day and night." ~ Eiizumi
This weekend's Saturday and Sunday...
Saturday . I woke up late near noon and I lazily got my body of of my bed. As usual, I brushed washed my hair, washed my face and brushed my teeth to prepare for the day.
I took some lunch of chicken rice my mum got it for me before I head back to my room again in earliest of the afternoon and started doing my work for my FYP prospectus, final report and compile other documentations. To keep myself alive, I played all my favourites songs by Stefanie Sun, so as to motivate myself to work non-stop.
This music motivation strategy normally never fails.
It helped me to complete the majority of the prospectus, in which others were to be filled in by the rest of my FYP team members' profiles on how they felt about this FYP or PROJ module. I've also managed to start off some areas of the final report and compiled some documentatiopns of all the production and post-production work which we already did.
After some while, I was given a SMS by my friend Meng Kiat that he was heading for town along with Chee Wee and Kent for a LAN gaming session. I did initially refused. After about half an hour later, I managed to complete my work of what I set myself a target to complete for the day already. The music motivation helps me progress my work really tremendously and fast.
Feeling a bit stressed over my finished work and the tiring weekdays, I've decided to change my mind to join them instead.
Or perhaps I was heading for the city there to search for something I felt I've lost instead... At the LAN gaming session, I didn't even cared for the victory and lost I've made in the games. I wanted to have the pure fun of playing.
I was simply venting my boredom or my lost of something just missing in my life.
Sunday . I woke up at 8.20am even before my alarm radio woke me up. I felt pretty tired after the previous midnight of hard work, even though I went back home late. I was determined and I made sure I woke up yesterday morning, so I took a look at the rising sun which tinted the scenery outside my window with yellowish-orange glory. Which certainly helped me brighthen up myself for the full day of activities ahead.
After my usual morning wash-up, I went to dress up myself nicely for the day and got myself a mug of nice warm Milo. I listened to my favourite songs in the morning while I drink my morning refreshment. It certainly helped me perk me up.
After that I immediately went to the Chinese Garden MRT station platform to wait for my female friends who are from my secondary school graduate class. One of them was Yieling who had an activity for her cell group from the City Harvest Church yesterday. The other friend was the cool, cold and aloof-looking Vivian Koh.
Vivian, just like me, was not a member of Yieling's Chirstian church but came along with her to have some fun.
Vivian, from her usual facial expression, she looks absolutely very cold, aloof and very untouchable-looking (meaning "dao" lah). But in person, she's quite a warm, open and kind person.
In fact, she is just like me, slow to warm up on social events (unless she's already warmed up), I guess.
Frankly speaking, I am attracted to her now her prettiness and even during the secondary school times. I just don't know why, I am just attracted to pretty ladies with dimples, who are thin or fit, with A-Cup to B-Cup range, with that unique factors of being cool, untouchably cold and aloofness, just like me (but I'm slightly more shy), but I am just curious to get to know these kind of girls. I really don't know why I have such a unique taste, so please don't ask.
It may have sound familiar if you have known my other similar encounters... (For example, my idol, Stefanie Sun YanZi! Hee hee...)
Anyway, I was waiting for the girls to get to the meeting place and then go off together to Sentosa. But they were late for about 20 mins, I waited there for almost half an hour because I was early. Being a gentleman, I have the patience and so I waited, but I was getting bored and was a bit tired already. I couldn't possibly rush them to come but I dropped hints on my SMSes to them. I simply told myself girls take more time to pack up their stuff, dress up well and do their make-up.
When they finally arrived, I had just sent another "hint". They offered their apologies but I accepted them without any say or actions (and they thought I was angry. Haha...) Both of them were in pretty pink of casual wear and cool sunglasses. But they were surprised of my attire and said I was wearing too nice for the occasion because I was in some sort of flowery hula shirt (the one with a lot of holes).
I simply told them I would be changing into a T-shirt later because I'm not going to run around the island with that hula shirt of mind and sweat like a squeezed sponge, even thought the shirt was cooling with holes.
So we took the MRT transit and reached the Harbour Front. We took a while to wait for Ann, one of Yieling's friend, before we took a shuttle bus together to Sentosa.
When we finally reached the place at the Siloso Beach, they were about total of 14 people (including ourselves) for the activities. We introduced ourselves and talked to one another to warm up the relationships. But I'm pretty sorry I can't remember all the names and faces I have met, I've really have a bad memory in this area...
After that, Ming Xuan, a fellow junior polymate from the School of Electrical, Electronics and Engineering, the chief games enforcer briefed us on the whole day's event and then we have some small games first. The first game was pretty simple, each person had a clue of paper sticked to everyone's back. The person have to guess his or her clue by asking indirect questions from the others who know what their own clue is.
There was only two types of categories of the clues. Cartoon characters or Singapore's places of interests. These two categories also differentiates people of two different teams of the real big game of "The Amazing Race" games later.
Mine was too simple, I took a look at other people's "places of interests" and I tried to guess the odd clue out on me. I only asked three questions on just one person and I got my clue correctly, it was "Zoo".
Next, we started with the big game at around 11.50 am.
There was Yieling (as the team leader), Vivian, Jeremy, Luo Wei and Darren in my team.
The first station we had to go by a bag of clues was to the Butterfly Park and Insect Kindom. We smartly took the monorail the the place. The task we have to do there was to have five members of the team jumping up, with our legs up and another member taking a digital photo on it as evidence because there was no game leader there.
The second station was to the Fort Siloso. This time we took the Blue line shuttle bus back to where we started and headed for the station. We only have to answer some quizzes by another game leader. Most of us got two out of two questions correct. We scored 9 out of 12 correct altogether, while we heard that the previous team got only 5 out of 12. For the wrong questions answered, we're forfeited by running arounfd an old British cannon to penalise our time.
The third station was to the Palawan Beach. There we have to go into the sea, blow a balloon as big as a typical head size and pass it under our legs in the water when we're in a line. Then, we have to bite the apple hung only by a string with absolutely no hand contact. With my bucky teeth, I was chosen to the "vanguard" to have the first bite for the apple. Initially, I found it difficult to do it, the others also tried. It was pretty disgusting because each person tried to bite it, there would be saliva. But we washed the apple with nothing but water from our bottles. The, I finally succeeded in getting that first bite.m The, the others got the consequent bites. Again, we took digital photos on it as evidence because there was no game leader there.
The fourth station was to the "Gunung Lagu" in the clue, which meant "Mountain Song" in Malay, after asking some other Malay people around. It was at the audience seats at the Musical Fountain. It was the worst station where it rumoured we have to eat mealworms... But then, we only have to answer some quizzes given by Ming Xuan, with Darren being slient and doing actions for the rest of his team to guess what the answers are.
We are submitted to torture of having some food. We have to "lucky draw" lots for our food. But we got the worst, we need to eat many, many small bread sandwicheds with wasabi fillings and raw eggs! I bravely took the raw egg because I thought I am "well-trained" by eating semi-raw boied eggs at home. But I failed to finished the whole egg as the egg white was really disgustingly gooey-looking and had a pretty weird raw smell. I was fined with the taste and smell of the raw egg yolk, but the raw egg white was horribly hard to swallow. I almost puked and tear filled my eyes.
*Ugh!*
But we all managed to survived that task at that station as the rest of the guys also took the stinking raw eggs as a punishment for not finish mine...
Another task was to take three mealworms for the rest of journey and make sure they survive and be alived at the end og the game or there'll be points penalised.
The fifth station was at the Artist Village area. This station was very boring! "Waiting" was the key to the solutions, because we needed to find passing people with particulars items and criteria in them, but the place really didn't have a lot of people. So the best place to wait for our chance to get our tasks done was to wait at a nearby bus-stop. Even there, there ain't a lot of people around.
Moreover, Ming Xuan was with us to see whether we break any rules of the tasks we needed to do.
For about an hour and slightly over, we waited and approached many people who may matched our criteria, so that we could take digital photos with them and get them to sign initials on our paper.
Vivian even hailed down passing cabbies to ask whether they match several of the criterias.
But there was only one last criteria to complete. Initally, we didn't know that we could abandon some criteria tasks, till Ming Xuan told us in the near end. Getting the criterias right to match the tasks helped us score some marks according to how many we got them.
Just when we're about to give up the last criteria of finding someone with Adida shoes, we finally got a person for the task.
We decided to abandon our sixth station for a penalisation of 10 point and headed straight for the last, because it was already about 4.20 pm when we left the fifth station and we had to be at the last station by 4.30pm or else we could have 5 points penalised for every 10 minutes late for the last station.
My team reached the last station back on the Siloso Beach on time, but the other team didn't. They were late for about 10 mniutes, hence a penalisation of 5 points. But both of our teams were almost at par for the points, with my team only leadin by 5 points.
The last station was to be the most fun and was the determining game station for any team to win. We had a water bomb war and had to steal each other sandals in an area. Those who are hit by water bombs have to return back to there team base and could not hold onto their sandals they stolen. I strategised my team to waste the opponent team's to waste their water bombs.
And our strategy works!
My team emerged victorious as the opponenent team wasted their water bombs on "decoy moves" to steal their sandals and ran out of the water bombs. They couldn't retaliate at all in the end and so our team got all the sandals to our team base.
After the all fun of punishing the losing team with flour all over them, we all have our well-deserved showers, and then later dinner together the the foodcourt at the Harbour Front Mall, where we ate and chatted together.
Then, we all went our separate ways home. Yieling, Vivian and I took the same MRT transit line westwards back home. On the train, we had a long chat and shared our individual experiences of things that happened in our separate lives.
It was very interesting that we off any topics, even we haven't met for a long time... Because we're all old friends already.
Friday, April 16, 2004
When It Looks Like I Have Failed…
From this week's Monday, till today. Everyday was a typical of everyone, including me, trying to finish their assignments work and their Final Year Project.
I took my National Physical Fitness Award (NAPFA) test yesterday evening, along with my friends Chee Wee, Andhika and other acquaintances from my diploma course.
The NAPFA test is needed to test out our current physical fitness level, especially before I am entering for the National Service (NS) military enlistment.
I need to get at least a silver award for the test to skip the extra Physical Training Programme (PTP) phase when I entered military service for National Service.
The requirements to get the award were to get at least a "D" grade or 2 points for each of the physical fitness test item. The total points to get the silver award were at least 15 points.
But my result for the test held yesterday evening was a failure (my goal was to get at least a silver award).
Here are my results for the each of the six individual physical fitness test item, in regards to which item I took, in sequence:
1) One minute Sit-Ups: 42 times (“A” grade, 5 points)
2) Standing Broad Jump: 209 cm (“E” grade, 1 point)
3) Sit-&-Reach: 35 cm (“D” grade, 2 points)
4) Pull-Ups: 5 times (“D” grade, 2 points)
5) Shuttle Run (4 x 10 metres): 10.38 seconds (“A” grade, 5 points)
6) 2.4 km run/walk: “Gave up halfway!” (Not graded, 0 points)
Total Points Scored: 15 (Matched criteria to obtain the silver award)
I am confident of passing the individual fitness test items like the one minute sit-ups, the sit-&-reach, and the pull-ups in 30 seconds and the 2.4 km run/walk.
The one minute sit-ups, the sit-&-reach, and the pull-ups in 30 seconds and the 2.4 km run/walk are my fortes. I will never expect myself to fail these items all.
The major upsetting item for a lot of people was still the standing broad jump. Even my friends and other people who took that item were shocked that they either failed that item or only able to get an “E” grade point.
In my detail of ten people, up to seven of us couldn’t get at least a “D” grade point.
Even my friends failed it.
Most people there gave the reason of, “Too long didn’t jump already.” That it was most probably they were too sure of themselves passing or getting a “D” grade point for the standing broad jump and they were not as good as they were in their secondary school years.
But for me, I always knew that I have problems getting good grades (sometimes even passing them) for the individual fitness test items of the standing broad jump as well as the shuttle run (4 x 10 metres).
As you could see from my result, the major positive surprise was the shuttle run. I never knew I could get an “A” grade point.
Perhaps I didn’t know that because during secondary school years, I always wore white canvas shoes with wore-out soles to do that item. And I was always sliding and couldn’t brake well. I always ran with the results of 11 to 12 seconds.
But that was the first three years in my old secondary school compound, where the school hall’s flooring was always rough when they held the NAPFA test item there. During my graduation year, the last year of my secondary school life, we moved to a new school compound.
I did wear a new white canvas shoes with trustable soles, but as the school hall was also new, the flooring was very smooth instead!
But as you can see from the NAPFA test result, there is another surprise. I actually failed my forte item of the 2.4 km run/walk. I “gave up” the item halfway.
Why?
Because I had cramps in my right calf muscle when I was running the first lap of 400 metres of the 2.4 km distance around the competition track near the SP campus’ sports complex.
I did have premonitory cramps before while I was sprinting for the shuttle run, but I thought it wouldn’t affect me much.
While I was only beginning to run the first lap of 400 metres of the 2.4 km distance, I was having high frequency of cramps if I attempt run. So I started walking for the rest of the half of the lap.
I figured out that it that I couldn’t run at my best performance even if I continued. If I run slower in the first few laps, I would have a hard time catching up with the time for the rest of the three laps. As it would difficult as I already have cramp-prone right calf muscle. It was highly possible I would have cramps all the way. I thought that “How am I going to catch up with that time that way?”
But I am confident that I could get at least a “B” grade point or even the “A” grade point, because I know I have that ability to do so. So if I couldn’t do my best for something, I would rather give it up.
But Chee Wee told me to run for the next round of 2.4 km run/walk test item with him and Andhika after my previous first round. But I refused. As I thought I would be just wasting my energy.
Because I already failed the whole NAPFA test mission to obtain the silver award and I think it would be really wasting my energy to gauge how well my 2.4 km run/walk item is. Because I know I can do well for that item!
Call that my “over-confidence” but I’m proud of it!
Anyway as for my friends Chee Wee and Andhika, they both failed their NAPFA tests too. They fell under the usual physical test items nemeses feared by many people, the pull-ups in 30 seconds and the 2.4 km run/walk (they failed each of that item respectively).
Andhika was proclaimed by the NAPFA tester as the first person who gave up the pull-ups in 30 seconds item the fastest. All Andhika did was hanging on to the bar and simply release his hands from the bar he is holding on too…
He hasn’t even tried…
For Chee Wee, he fell under the prey of the 2.4 km run/walk. His wrong method of running in “hentataki” position may be one of the reasons to cause him to tire himself too much by raising his legs too high while propelling himself forward.
Another reason should be the mental factor, in which he often discourages himself that couldn’t pass the whole NAPFA test because of the 2.4 km run/walk.
His lack of self-determination and confidence made him convince himself that he should directly enter the PTP phase in the military before he enters his National Service’s Basic Military Training (BMT), without attempting further NAPFA tests.
Such ill-spirit will definitely cost any athlete his victory in any case.
Chee Wee! You must believe you can always do something successfully!
Here’s some time for everyone who thought they had failed something…
When It Looks Like I Have Failed
“Failure does not mean I’m a failure;
It does mean I have not yet succeeded.
Failure does not mean I have accomplished nothing;
It does mean I have learnt something.
Failure does not mean I have been a fool;
It does mean I have had enough faith to experiment.
Failure does not mean I have been humiliated;
It does mean I dared to try.
Failure does not mean I don’t have it;
It does mean I have to do something in a different way.
Failure does not mean that I am inferior;
It does mean I am not perfect.
Failure does not mean that I have wasted my life;
It does mean that I have an excuse to start over.
Failure does not mean that I should give up;
It does mean I must try harder.
Failure does not mean I will never make it;
It does mean that I need more patience.
The only people who never fail are those who never try.”
~ Quotations from a bookmark about the Youth Challenge Singapore
I am going to re-take my NAPFA test again during next month and I'm not going to give up. Iwill not waste my time for the PTP phase and I will to the do the NAPFA test again and again until I get my silver award!
From this week's Monday, till today. Everyday was a typical of everyone, including me, trying to finish their assignments work and their Final Year Project.
I took my National Physical Fitness Award (NAPFA) test yesterday evening, along with my friends Chee Wee, Andhika and other acquaintances from my diploma course.
The NAPFA test is needed to test out our current physical fitness level, especially before I am entering for the National Service (NS) military enlistment.
I need to get at least a silver award for the test to skip the extra Physical Training Programme (PTP) phase when I entered military service for National Service.
The requirements to get the award were to get at least a "D" grade or 2 points for each of the physical fitness test item. The total points to get the silver award were at least 15 points.
But my result for the test held yesterday evening was a failure (my goal was to get at least a silver award).
Here are my results for the each of the six individual physical fitness test item, in regards to which item I took, in sequence:
1) One minute Sit-Ups: 42 times (“A” grade, 5 points)
2) Standing Broad Jump: 209 cm (“E” grade, 1 point)
3) Sit-&-Reach: 35 cm (“D” grade, 2 points)
4) Pull-Ups: 5 times (“D” grade, 2 points)
5) Shuttle Run (4 x 10 metres): 10.38 seconds (“A” grade, 5 points)
6) 2.4 km run/walk: “Gave up halfway!” (Not graded, 0 points)
Total Points Scored: 15 (Matched criteria to obtain the silver award)
I am confident of passing the individual fitness test items like the one minute sit-ups, the sit-&-reach, and the pull-ups in 30 seconds and the 2.4 km run/walk.
The one minute sit-ups, the sit-&-reach, and the pull-ups in 30 seconds and the 2.4 km run/walk are my fortes. I will never expect myself to fail these items all.
The major upsetting item for a lot of people was still the standing broad jump. Even my friends and other people who took that item were shocked that they either failed that item or only able to get an “E” grade point.
In my detail of ten people, up to seven of us couldn’t get at least a “D” grade point.
Even my friends failed it.
Most people there gave the reason of, “Too long didn’t jump already.” That it was most probably they were too sure of themselves passing or getting a “D” grade point for the standing broad jump and they were not as good as they were in their secondary school years.
But for me, I always knew that I have problems getting good grades (sometimes even passing them) for the individual fitness test items of the standing broad jump as well as the shuttle run (4 x 10 metres).
As you could see from my result, the major positive surprise was the shuttle run. I never knew I could get an “A” grade point.
Perhaps I didn’t know that because during secondary school years, I always wore white canvas shoes with wore-out soles to do that item. And I was always sliding and couldn’t brake well. I always ran with the results of 11 to 12 seconds.
But that was the first three years in my old secondary school compound, where the school hall’s flooring was always rough when they held the NAPFA test item there. During my graduation year, the last year of my secondary school life, we moved to a new school compound.
I did wear a new white canvas shoes with trustable soles, but as the school hall was also new, the flooring was very smooth instead!
But as you can see from the NAPFA test result, there is another surprise. I actually failed my forte item of the 2.4 km run/walk. I “gave up” the item halfway.
Why?
Because I had cramps in my right calf muscle when I was running the first lap of 400 metres of the 2.4 km distance around the competition track near the SP campus’ sports complex.
I did have premonitory cramps before while I was sprinting for the shuttle run, but I thought it wouldn’t affect me much.
While I was only beginning to run the first lap of 400 metres of the 2.4 km distance, I was having high frequency of cramps if I attempt run. So I started walking for the rest of the half of the lap.
I figured out that it that I couldn’t run at my best performance even if I continued. If I run slower in the first few laps, I would have a hard time catching up with the time for the rest of the three laps. As it would difficult as I already have cramp-prone right calf muscle. It was highly possible I would have cramps all the way. I thought that “How am I going to catch up with that time that way?”
But I am confident that I could get at least a “B” grade point or even the “A” grade point, because I know I have that ability to do so. So if I couldn’t do my best for something, I would rather give it up.
But Chee Wee told me to run for the next round of 2.4 km run/walk test item with him and Andhika after my previous first round. But I refused. As I thought I would be just wasting my energy.
Because I already failed the whole NAPFA test mission to obtain the silver award and I think it would be really wasting my energy to gauge how well my 2.4 km run/walk item is. Because I know I can do well for that item!
Call that my “over-confidence” but I’m proud of it!
Anyway as for my friends Chee Wee and Andhika, they both failed their NAPFA tests too. They fell under the usual physical test items nemeses feared by many people, the pull-ups in 30 seconds and the 2.4 km run/walk (they failed each of that item respectively).
Andhika was proclaimed by the NAPFA tester as the first person who gave up the pull-ups in 30 seconds item the fastest. All Andhika did was hanging on to the bar and simply release his hands from the bar he is holding on too…
He hasn’t even tried…
For Chee Wee, he fell under the prey of the 2.4 km run/walk. His wrong method of running in “hentataki” position may be one of the reasons to cause him to tire himself too much by raising his legs too high while propelling himself forward.
Another reason should be the mental factor, in which he often discourages himself that couldn’t pass the whole NAPFA test because of the 2.4 km run/walk.
His lack of self-determination and confidence made him convince himself that he should directly enter the PTP phase in the military before he enters his National Service’s Basic Military Training (BMT), without attempting further NAPFA tests.
Such ill-spirit will definitely cost any athlete his victory in any case.
Chee Wee! You must believe you can always do something successfully!
Here’s some time for everyone who thought they had failed something…
When It Looks Like I Have Failed
“Failure does not mean I’m a failure;
It does mean I have not yet succeeded.
Failure does not mean I have accomplished nothing;
It does mean I have learnt something.
Failure does not mean I have been a fool;
It does mean I have had enough faith to experiment.
Failure does not mean I have been humiliated;
It does mean I dared to try.
Failure does not mean I don’t have it;
It does mean I have to do something in a different way.
Failure does not mean that I am inferior;
It does mean I am not perfect.
Failure does not mean that I have wasted my life;
It does mean that I have an excuse to start over.
Failure does not mean that I should give up;
It does mean I must try harder.
Failure does not mean I will never make it;
It does mean that I need more patience.
The only people who never fail are those who never try.”
~ Quotations from a bookmark about the Youth Challenge Singapore
I am going to re-take my NAPFA test again during next month and I'm not going to give up. Iwill not waste my time for the PTP phase and I will to the do the NAPFA test again and again until I get my silver award!
Sunday, April 11, 2004
My Yearn for a Long Vacation…
This weekend. From Friday till today… Last Friday, I was in a full swing of lots of activities.
In the morning, I played badminton with Chee Wee and with his cousins. In the early afternoon, I went swimming with them. After, during the late afternoon, we had lunch at Huimin’s house and played a friendly game of mahjong (no gambling).
During the evening, I went along with Chee Wee’s secondary school time gang to watch “subsidised” movie, “Taking Lives”, at Bugis’ Shaw Towers’ cinema. After the movie, we had dinner at the area before we went back home.
That day was a physically tiring day, but it helped me relieved a lot of stresses for these busy days. But yet all these were simply not good enough.
To be frank, I still feel so tired… I feel so emotionally and mentally tired after this whole third year in my diploma course… I simply wanted to immediate put down my work and go for a long vacation.
Graduation and then a great holiday vacation at a nice chalet bungalow was my greatest wish now…
I’m not exactly sick of my work. I wanted to do a good job for my assignments, but I am simply too bothered mentally. I just don't have that time... I just want to put down the weight I’ve carried in my hands for so long. Time just weigh things down and make thing feel heavier and heavier…
Last semester was… an emotionally tiring semester for my Internship Training Programme (ITP)… This semester was a mentally tiring semester…
Zapped of my strength, my endurance and my concentrations, I am tired. So tire that my blood of perfectionism couldn’t even spur me to work hard in my school.
The so-called fun at LAN gaming sessions were simply like doses of high-elevating drugs to numb my brain which is sick of what I see as unneccessary and redundant stress due to bad course management by SP's School of ICT.
Some of people close to me may see that I’ve changed.
Yes, indeed I’ve changed, changed for the worse, perhaps in the area of interpersonal relations during school work.
Now, I may seem like a person who’s very mean, avoiding and rejecting to help anyone (unless I offer to help) and don’t seem to care. I will reprimand you seriously why you didn’t think first whether your problem to be help with is worth helping or why didn’t you think of a solution your problem and think out of the box whether there are other alternatives.
Before this academic year started, I’m a guy who was happy, a kind and a very helpful person. I try to fulfill my promise to help anyone who needed it. I had always believed that helping other people would bring happiness to me.
But helping others to do them favour was never an easy thing to do. As I promised to help, I would do my best to fulfill that promise to help that person to the fullest. The problem with helping is to remember to help; I already have quite a bad memory.
But because I was well-known to help people and fulfill them to the fullest, people approached me for all sorts of help, big or small, redundant or important, they all came to me. Perhaps I didn’t know how to reject people at that time, I always agreed to help.
And believe me, remembering the promise to help and trying fulfilling everything to the best is very stressful. It eventually worsens my bad memory.
Perhaps it is true that helping people would bring happiness to oneself, till many people started to abuse my helpfulness and took it for granted, I think.
Perhaps I was too naive then.
I only realised that people would sometimes make use of your kindness to help. You were repaid of nothing or simply stab behind you in the back or arrow you from blind spot. That I discovered when I was in my ITP at the Digimagic office, where office politics did roam, even I try hard enough not to believe it.
But there are simply some people who just take other people’s kindness for granted or even abuse them.
Yes, even my school, there are such people (from my point of view). I try to understand why they would take me for granted or even abuse my kindness to help. I can’t seem to totally find why nor could I explain it to myself.
Perhaps one of the reasons was that people were to often getting my help. They always expected me to help and fulfill to solve their problems to the best. They were too dependent on my help.
But sorry to say, I am really tired to catch fish for you people out there.
It is time for you people to learn how to catch your own fish, efficiently and effective.
But I’m not going to teach. You all are on your own!
So now, I simply let my human instincts take over. Prevent people from abusing and taking my kindness to help for granted as normal people would want returns to the help.
You’ll have to find your way to solve your own problem and do your own job.
I could do it on my own before, why couldn’t you people does it?
Yes, kindness is one of the human instincts which enable the human race to survive this cruel. But between individuals, there are the so-called cheaters who just simply abuse kindness for their own benefits disregarding other people.
I am just in an unusual high alert mode now to deter people who plainly abuse my kindness and take it for granted in the past.
You can consider this as my kindness, it’ll teach you how to catch your own fish so that you’ll be independent and don’t depend on me.
Sometimes, you’ll see me depending on you instead! Don’t be too surprised then. You definitely owe me some of your kindness, one way or the other.
You may just have simply forgotten it or couldn’t remember…
Eiizumi's Crappy/Inspiring Quote or Quotation of this Blog:
“Time weighs things down slowly… As time passes, what you carry gets heavier and you get more tiring. Then you simply needed to do is to put down the burden you carry and let time heal your emotional and mental strength.” ~ Eiizumi
This weekend. From Friday till today… Last Friday, I was in a full swing of lots of activities.
In the morning, I played badminton with Chee Wee and with his cousins. In the early afternoon, I went swimming with them. After, during the late afternoon, we had lunch at Huimin’s house and played a friendly game of mahjong (no gambling).
During the evening, I went along with Chee Wee’s secondary school time gang to watch “subsidised” movie, “Taking Lives”, at Bugis’ Shaw Towers’ cinema. After the movie, we had dinner at the area before we went back home.
That day was a physically tiring day, but it helped me relieved a lot of stresses for these busy days. But yet all these were simply not good enough.
To be frank, I still feel so tired… I feel so emotionally and mentally tired after this whole third year in my diploma course… I simply wanted to immediate put down my work and go for a long vacation.
Graduation and then a great holiday vacation at a nice chalet bungalow was my greatest wish now…
I’m not exactly sick of my work. I wanted to do a good job for my assignments, but I am simply too bothered mentally. I just don't have that time... I just want to put down the weight I’ve carried in my hands for so long. Time just weigh things down and make thing feel heavier and heavier…
Last semester was… an emotionally tiring semester for my Internship Training Programme (ITP)… This semester was a mentally tiring semester…
Zapped of my strength, my endurance and my concentrations, I am tired. So tire that my blood of perfectionism couldn’t even spur me to work hard in my school.
The so-called fun at LAN gaming sessions were simply like doses of high-elevating drugs to numb my brain which is sick of what I see as unneccessary and redundant stress due to bad course management by SP's School of ICT.
Some of people close to me may see that I’ve changed.
Yes, indeed I’ve changed, changed for the worse, perhaps in the area of interpersonal relations during school work.
Now, I may seem like a person who’s very mean, avoiding and rejecting to help anyone (unless I offer to help) and don’t seem to care. I will reprimand you seriously why you didn’t think first whether your problem to be help with is worth helping or why didn’t you think of a solution your problem and think out of the box whether there are other alternatives.
Before this academic year started, I’m a guy who was happy, a kind and a very helpful person. I try to fulfill my promise to help anyone who needed it. I had always believed that helping other people would bring happiness to me.
But helping others to do them favour was never an easy thing to do. As I promised to help, I would do my best to fulfill that promise to help that person to the fullest. The problem with helping is to remember to help; I already have quite a bad memory.
But because I was well-known to help people and fulfill them to the fullest, people approached me for all sorts of help, big or small, redundant or important, they all came to me. Perhaps I didn’t know how to reject people at that time, I always agreed to help.
And believe me, remembering the promise to help and trying fulfilling everything to the best is very stressful. It eventually worsens my bad memory.
Perhaps it is true that helping people would bring happiness to oneself, till many people started to abuse my helpfulness and took it for granted, I think.
Perhaps I was too naive then.
I only realised that people would sometimes make use of your kindness to help. You were repaid of nothing or simply stab behind you in the back or arrow you from blind spot. That I discovered when I was in my ITP at the Digimagic office, where office politics did roam, even I try hard enough not to believe it.
But there are simply some people who just take other people’s kindness for granted or even abuse them.
Yes, even my school, there are such people (from my point of view). I try to understand why they would take me for granted or even abuse my kindness to help. I can’t seem to totally find why nor could I explain it to myself.
Perhaps one of the reasons was that people were to often getting my help. They always expected me to help and fulfill to solve their problems to the best. They were too dependent on my help.
But sorry to say, I am really tired to catch fish for you people out there.
It is time for you people to learn how to catch your own fish, efficiently and effective.
But I’m not going to teach. You all are on your own!
So now, I simply let my human instincts take over. Prevent people from abusing and taking my kindness to help for granted as normal people would want returns to the help.
You’ll have to find your way to solve your own problem and do your own job.
I could do it on my own before, why couldn’t you people does it?
Yes, kindness is one of the human instincts which enable the human race to survive this cruel. But between individuals, there are the so-called cheaters who just simply abuse kindness for their own benefits disregarding other people.
I am just in an unusual high alert mode now to deter people who plainly abuse my kindness and take it for granted in the past.
You can consider this as my kindness, it’ll teach you how to catch your own fish so that you’ll be independent and don’t depend on me.
Sometimes, you’ll see me depending on you instead! Don’t be too surprised then. You definitely owe me some of your kindness, one way or the other.
You may just have simply forgotten it or couldn’t remember…
Eiizumi's Crappy/Inspiring Quote or Quotation of this Blog:
“Time weighs things down slowly… As time passes, what you carry gets heavier and you get more tiring. Then you simply needed to do is to put down the burden you carry and let time heal your emotional and mental strength.” ~ Eiizumi
Thursday, April 08, 2004
Days of Fantasy... Versus Reality...
From Monday till today... I dream of the day I would really graduate. I should. Everyone should. Nobody deserves to suffer under the redundant system of the course of Diploma in Multimedia Technology, School of ICT, Singapore Polytechnic.
Working towards the goal of making every assignment a good job well done as best as possible is torturous. And the final dream to graduate from my diploma and get out of this lousy school is so hard to realise (unless I am able to pass my critical AAUP module's practical test next week's Monday).
All the days I have gone through this week was work and work of ACAN 3D animation assignment. Day in, day out we do our work including other modules constantly. But time is still against us.
Obviously, all my coursemates from my multimedia course have no time to do it and complained to the course's management.
But all the management gave generally was, "You students didn't schedule your time properly. You all didn't have good time management."
But what is time management without the time to be controlled?
Currently, I'm doing ACAN, AAUP, ELIT and PROJ (FYP) modules. ACAN is simple to me. I have learn all the skills enough for me to do my work properly. AAUP is hell. I felt I totally learned nothing in that module at all, as we're still learning the practical skills and is trying to apply them. ELIT is a simple module that could be studied with pure data computation into our heads. And PROJ or FYP, is an external, client-based project which needed most of your full-time devotion to cater to the client's needs.
But what is the "full-time devotion" if most of your time is generally fixed to lecture, tutorial and practical lessons or assignments working time? Yes, it will be possible if I have a few personal assistants and secretaries to help be scrutinise my schedule time.
So, as you can see, all my modules' requiring factors are all very different. Time management is almost impossible.
Perhaps this is the time to reveal why most of my coursemates and I said SP is a lie, SP sucks and all other bad things about SP. Especially for my course diploma majoring in multimedia.
Let's look at the whole picture first. Singapore's education system (last time or now). As most Singaporean students are well aware, after the secondary school's O-Levels (last time). Students could choose between centralised institutions like juniors colleges (JCs) and tertiary institutions like polytechnics (they don't want to be in technical institutions like ITE).
Of course, every students' best, ultimate goal of his or her own education life was to get a bachelor degree in the tertiary universities. For guys (male students) who are mostly liable for a period two and a half years of National Service, time is always precious.
For conservative estimates, guys would be around the age of 23 or 24 if they succeeded in graduating from all stages of studies (including university studies). And then, you could imagine a guy would let's say needed at least 10 years to build up his career to the best he can. He would be 33 or 34 then.
Yet all this is the minimal, conservative estimate. The time needed for a guy to succeed well materialistically in his life would be extended if he was delayed in any stages of his educational life.
Now level down to this, JC education only needed two years of studies while polytechnic studies required three years. Many O-Level graduates would prefer the shorter time of JC education than one of the polytechnic.
Hence, for the sake of attracting O-Level graduates, polytechnic courses are normally fixed at three years (not to mention the reason due to NS enlistment liability). An extra year would make a polytechnic diploma course unattractive.
Now look at the point of my course, Diploma in Multimedia Technology. Multimedia is a big word. So does its contents. The field we're working in needed different multimedia specialised fileds. These included video (or film) production, audio production, 3D animation production, web online design and programming (catering to E-Commerce, games and many others which uses Flash animation or applications), JAVA or C++ application design and programming, CD-ROM application design and programming (using authoring tools like Director and others) and graphics design (using vector or bitmap imaging tools like Photshop, Illustrator, Freehand and others) which caters to different specific needs of different specialised fields of multimedia itself.
Sounds alot to learn in my diploma course? It is!
But currently, the amount of quality practical skills I learned wasn't even of "jack of all trades", not to even mention "master of any one".
Having not enough practical time in the course is the problem.
As a live person in the shoes, I conclude I would need at least four years to learn all the quality practical skills to develop my full potential in the multimedia industry.
This may sound impossible. But there are alternatives to solve the whole big problem.
Let's say we really have four years of polytechnic multimedia course in SP. This made sure we would produced well-trained graduates who are fit to serve the multimedia industry. With this reputation built, I think no university would reject well-trained people who are trained from this course owith a good will of reputation. If possible, university studies on multimedia would be one year less than other bachelor degrees because students from this reputated course have a solid foundation.
How do you like the sound of that?
But of course, this simple solution to solve the problem of creating better qualified multimedia creative workers from my course was understandably not easy to do at all. But the possible benefits are there.
I think the people from the SP's School of ICT (or who ever is in charge) should think out of the box.
Eiizumi's Crappy/Inspiring Quote or Quotation of this Blog:
"Everyone needed precious time, but please don't waste my life." ~ Eiizumi
From Monday till today... I dream of the day I would really graduate. I should. Everyone should. Nobody deserves to suffer under the redundant system of the course of Diploma in Multimedia Technology, School of ICT, Singapore Polytechnic.
Working towards the goal of making every assignment a good job well done as best as possible is torturous. And the final dream to graduate from my diploma and get out of this lousy school is so hard to realise (unless I am able to pass my critical AAUP module's practical test next week's Monday).
All the days I have gone through this week was work and work of ACAN 3D animation assignment. Day in, day out we do our work including other modules constantly. But time is still against us.
Obviously, all my coursemates from my multimedia course have no time to do it and complained to the course's management.
But all the management gave generally was, "You students didn't schedule your time properly. You all didn't have good time management."
But what is time management without the time to be controlled?
Currently, I'm doing ACAN, AAUP, ELIT and PROJ (FYP) modules. ACAN is simple to me. I have learn all the skills enough for me to do my work properly. AAUP is hell. I felt I totally learned nothing in that module at all, as we're still learning the practical skills and is trying to apply them. ELIT is a simple module that could be studied with pure data computation into our heads. And PROJ or FYP, is an external, client-based project which needed most of your full-time devotion to cater to the client's needs.
But what is the "full-time devotion" if most of your time is generally fixed to lecture, tutorial and practical lessons or assignments working time? Yes, it will be possible if I have a few personal assistants and secretaries to help be scrutinise my schedule time.
So, as you can see, all my modules' requiring factors are all very different. Time management is almost impossible.
Perhaps this is the time to reveal why most of my coursemates and I said SP is a lie, SP sucks and all other bad things about SP. Especially for my course diploma majoring in multimedia.
Let's look at the whole picture first. Singapore's education system (last time or now). As most Singaporean students are well aware, after the secondary school's O-Levels (last time). Students could choose between centralised institutions like juniors colleges (JCs) and tertiary institutions like polytechnics (they don't want to be in technical institutions like ITE).
Of course, every students' best, ultimate goal of his or her own education life was to get a bachelor degree in the tertiary universities. For guys (male students) who are mostly liable for a period two and a half years of National Service, time is always precious.
For conservative estimates, guys would be around the age of 23 or 24 if they succeeded in graduating from all stages of studies (including university studies). And then, you could imagine a guy would let's say needed at least 10 years to build up his career to the best he can. He would be 33 or 34 then.
Yet all this is the minimal, conservative estimate. The time needed for a guy to succeed well materialistically in his life would be extended if he was delayed in any stages of his educational life.
Now level down to this, JC education only needed two years of studies while polytechnic studies required three years. Many O-Level graduates would prefer the shorter time of JC education than one of the polytechnic.
Hence, for the sake of attracting O-Level graduates, polytechnic courses are normally fixed at three years (not to mention the reason due to NS enlistment liability). An extra year would make a polytechnic diploma course unattractive.
Now look at the point of my course, Diploma in Multimedia Technology. Multimedia is a big word. So does its contents. The field we're working in needed different multimedia specialised fileds. These included video (or film) production, audio production, 3D animation production, web online design and programming (catering to E-Commerce, games and many others which uses Flash animation or applications), JAVA or C++ application design and programming, CD-ROM application design and programming (using authoring tools like Director and others) and graphics design (using vector or bitmap imaging tools like Photshop, Illustrator, Freehand and others) which caters to different specific needs of different specialised fields of multimedia itself.
Sounds alot to learn in my diploma course? It is!
But currently, the amount of quality practical skills I learned wasn't even of "jack of all trades", not to even mention "master of any one".
Having not enough practical time in the course is the problem.
As a live person in the shoes, I conclude I would need at least four years to learn all the quality practical skills to develop my full potential in the multimedia industry.
This may sound impossible. But there are alternatives to solve the whole big problem.
Let's say we really have four years of polytechnic multimedia course in SP. This made sure we would produced well-trained graduates who are fit to serve the multimedia industry. With this reputation built, I think no university would reject well-trained people who are trained from this course owith a good will of reputation. If possible, university studies on multimedia would be one year less than other bachelor degrees because students from this reputated course have a solid foundation.
How do you like the sound of that?
But of course, this simple solution to solve the problem of creating better qualified multimedia creative workers from my course was understandably not easy to do at all. But the possible benefits are there.
I think the people from the SP's School of ICT (or who ever is in charge) should think out of the box.
Eiizumi's Crappy/Inspiring Quote or Quotation of this Blog:
"Everyone needed precious time, but please don't waste my life." ~ Eiizumi
Sunday, April 04, 2004
Troubled Times Passes Just like Rain Clouds...
Over the weekend, Friday till today... Well... Another week has passed. I'm another week nearer to graduation... If I ever passed all my modules peacefully, of course.
The never-ending assignment of ACAN animation project is still going on... So is my FYP project (but this is definitely not in my hands for me to decide totally... It is up to Syazali to finish his editing job for the music video's rough cut).
This suddenly reminded me... I haven't even start compiling the chuck production papers for the folio to be handed for the FYP yet! Argh... And I thought I had nothing to do for FYP except worrying... Darn!
Over this weekend, it has been raining heavily, light or simply drizzling... The rain clouds sailed pass through the sky, bringing the cooling rain drops onto our heads. And then it dissapeared... Just like in our lives, there were obstacles or challenges or whatever we see it as, they are just like passing rain clouds. And there is always sunshine after the rain.
Work is like rain, fun is like the sun.
Rain is just like work, we have to be careful with the rain. We must be prepared for the rainy days. We need to bring an umbrella or raincoat to keep ourselves from catching cold in the rains. Or we'll fall ill and become phyiscally sick... Very, very sick...
Sun is just like fun. Once we have enough fun, we're sick of having fun in a particular way. It is like we had enough of the sunshine and the heat. Then we wanted rain, to cool us down.
Emotions could be used on the sun and rain metaphor too.
Happiness is like the sun, sadness is like the rain.
All these may sound ironic but we're all just just mortal men and women who as contradicting as ourselves.
Okay. Enough of my sudden, eccentric sensuousness. Back to the reality of my life...
Friday was the simple usual school. I went one on one with Chee Wee on the LAN game "C&C: Generals - Zero Hours" yet again at the LAN gaming shop at Parklan Shopping Mall. I had two rounds against him. In both round of games, I lost. But I felt no resentment against him, because I know I can beat him next time, somehow.
After the LAN game session, I accompanied Chee Wee to Orchard Cineleisure entertainment shopping centre. He was to watch the movie "Passion" (the story of Jesus Christ's road to be sacrificed) with Thomas and Chee Wee's cousin, Huimin. I ate my so-called dinner with them at the Long John Silver's fast-food restaurant there, but did not join them for the movie as they could not get me a free ticket (heh heh... I'm not a cheapskate person. I'm just not willing to pay for $8.50 for the movie at that time. It'll be quite hard on my wallet...)
The only special thing happen then was the great spill of my own cup of coke over my pants. I was quite embarassed then as how could I spill the cup so easily. The cold, sweet coke wet a major part of my pants, of course. But I try not feel so embarassed after a while and accept the stupidity of the wetness. I can't dry my pants easily, so I decided to cover the wetness and the embarassment using my sling bag to the front of my groin area.
So I went home feeling more "cool" in my pants rather than being embarassed through the crowds of people at the busy Orchard Road and the MRT stations and took the trains back home...
Saturday, and there were lecture and tutorial classes. Nothing much but simply get over them. After that, it was back to the year three animation laboratory of T2054 for some ACAN work for about an hour or two.
Then we went for lunch at Clementi. After that, it was a full attendance of the LAN gaming kakis for the game "C&C: Generals - Zero Hours". But because of the long-distance to the Dhouby Ghaut area's Parklane Shopping Mall, we went to West Coast area's Ginza Plaza instead. But because it was a busy weekend. The good LAN game shop of Aloha with all the new, good, high-performance PCs at Ginza Plaza was fully housed.
So Chee Wee and I went to try our luck to recce at the Genie Funland LAN game shop, in which we "condemned" for not having "C&C: Generals - Zero Hours" and having very lousy PC performance systems. But we're in for a surprise. They have the game "C&C: Generals - Zero Hours" already. Although their PC systems' softwares and hardwares is still a bit screwy, but they adequate enough to have fun of the game.
Sunday, and it was Ching Ming Festival . A Chinese festival where all Chineses visit their relatives and ancestors graves or ashes altars on the day to pay their respects by offeringd of burning incense joss-sticks and joss-papers, food offerings and the families' prayers.
With my mother, my sister and her boyfriend, we went to visit my grandmother's ashes altar to pay our at a Buddhist columbarium in the Hougang area. We always did this tradition annually. We offer fruits and other vegetarian food. We also burnt a bag of goodies as our offerings. We always wish something from our relatives living in the other world, of course. I wished that I would smoothly pass all my modules and graduate from my diploma course.
After that, I went back home via MRT train transit under the drizzling rain...
On the way home, I wondered whether I was playing to much LAN gaming. Perhaps I did. Then I asked myself why. The reason was simple, I was trying to escape away from work. There has been too much work that I couldn't do them perfectly.
Worse, I doubt I can even finish all the work on time.
But I think all the overwhelming work we got to surmount applies to everyone else in my course.
I just have to do my job, finish the work, get over it and graduate!
Eiizumi's Crappy/Inspiring Quote or Quotation of this Blog:
"Hindsight: It's like foresight without a future." ~ Kevin Kline
Over the weekend, Friday till today... Well... Another week has passed. I'm another week nearer to graduation... If I ever passed all my modules peacefully, of course.
The never-ending assignment of ACAN animation project is still going on... So is my FYP project (but this is definitely not in my hands for me to decide totally... It is up to Syazali to finish his editing job for the music video's rough cut).
This suddenly reminded me... I haven't even start compiling the chuck production papers for the folio to be handed for the FYP yet! Argh... And I thought I had nothing to do for FYP except worrying... Darn!
Over this weekend, it has been raining heavily, light or simply drizzling... The rain clouds sailed pass through the sky, bringing the cooling rain drops onto our heads. And then it dissapeared... Just like in our lives, there were obstacles or challenges or whatever we see it as, they are just like passing rain clouds. And there is always sunshine after the rain.
Work is like rain, fun is like the sun.
Rain is just like work, we have to be careful with the rain. We must be prepared for the rainy days. We need to bring an umbrella or raincoat to keep ourselves from catching cold in the rains. Or we'll fall ill and become phyiscally sick... Very, very sick...
Sun is just like fun. Once we have enough fun, we're sick of having fun in a particular way. It is like we had enough of the sunshine and the heat. Then we wanted rain, to cool us down.
Emotions could be used on the sun and rain metaphor too.
Happiness is like the sun, sadness is like the rain.
All these may sound ironic but we're all just just mortal men and women who as contradicting as ourselves.
Okay. Enough of my sudden, eccentric sensuousness. Back to the reality of my life...
Friday was the simple usual school. I went one on one with Chee Wee on the LAN game "C&C: Generals - Zero Hours" yet again at the LAN gaming shop at Parklan Shopping Mall. I had two rounds against him. In both round of games, I lost. But I felt no resentment against him, because I know I can beat him next time, somehow.
After the LAN game session, I accompanied Chee Wee to Orchard Cineleisure entertainment shopping centre. He was to watch the movie "Passion" (the story of Jesus Christ's road to be sacrificed) with Thomas and Chee Wee's cousin, Huimin. I ate my so-called dinner with them at the Long John Silver's fast-food restaurant there, but did not join them for the movie as they could not get me a free ticket (heh heh... I'm not a cheapskate person. I'm just not willing to pay for $8.50 for the movie at that time. It'll be quite hard on my wallet...)
The only special thing happen then was the great spill of my own cup of coke over my pants. I was quite embarassed then as how could I spill the cup so easily. The cold, sweet coke wet a major part of my pants, of course. But I try not feel so embarassed after a while and accept the stupidity of the wetness. I can't dry my pants easily, so I decided to cover the wetness and the embarassment using my sling bag to the front of my groin area.
So I went home feeling more "cool" in my pants rather than being embarassed through the crowds of people at the busy Orchard Road and the MRT stations and took the trains back home...
Saturday, and there were lecture and tutorial classes. Nothing much but simply get over them. After that, it was back to the year three animation laboratory of T2054 for some ACAN work for about an hour or two.
Then we went for lunch at Clementi. After that, it was a full attendance of the LAN gaming kakis for the game "C&C: Generals - Zero Hours". But because of the long-distance to the Dhouby Ghaut area's Parklane Shopping Mall, we went to West Coast area's Ginza Plaza instead. But because it was a busy weekend. The good LAN game shop of Aloha with all the new, good, high-performance PCs at Ginza Plaza was fully housed.
So Chee Wee and I went to try our luck to recce at the Genie Funland LAN game shop, in which we "condemned" for not having "C&C: Generals - Zero Hours" and having very lousy PC performance systems. But we're in for a surprise. They have the game "C&C: Generals - Zero Hours" already. Although their PC systems' softwares and hardwares is still a bit screwy, but they adequate enough to have fun of the game.
Sunday, and it was Ching Ming Festival . A Chinese festival where all Chineses visit their relatives and ancestors graves or ashes altars on the day to pay their respects by offeringd of burning incense joss-sticks and joss-papers, food offerings and the families' prayers.
With my mother, my sister and her boyfriend, we went to visit my grandmother's ashes altar to pay our at a Buddhist columbarium in the Hougang area. We always did this tradition annually. We offer fruits and other vegetarian food. We also burnt a bag of goodies as our offerings. We always wish something from our relatives living in the other world, of course. I wished that I would smoothly pass all my modules and graduate from my diploma course.
After that, I went back home via MRT train transit under the drizzling rain...
On the way home, I wondered whether I was playing to much LAN gaming. Perhaps I did. Then I asked myself why. The reason was simple, I was trying to escape away from work. There has been too much work that I couldn't do them perfectly.
Worse, I doubt I can even finish all the work on time.
But I think all the overwhelming work we got to surmount applies to everyone else in my course.
I just have to do my job, finish the work, get over it and graduate!
Eiizumi's Crappy/Inspiring Quote or Quotation of this Blog:
"Hindsight: It's like foresight without a future." ~ Kevin Kline
Thursday, April 01, 2004
Of Heat & Humidity...
Today. The weather is on the heat and humidity these days. Even after heavy rains, the weather was still very warm and humid.
Because of the stuffiness cause by the heat and humidity, my nasal cavities could be inflamed, again (if my self-made diagnosis is not wrong). That'll cause me to have symptoms like runny nose, dry outer nasal airways, gooey matter of pus and a little blood. My nasal cavities can be inflamed easily if mucus fills up the cavities.
For a long-term of time, the nasal cavities will be sore and inflamed, which make over-production of mucus. This in turn cause mucus shortage which lead to lack of preventive measures to get irritants out of my nasal wall, making the wall to react by producing pus and sometimes made me sniff hard which lead to some extend of bleeding.
All these symptoms in turn cause my throat to be irritated and leading to dry and sore throat due the the mucus and the gooey matter of pus and blood which flowed through my throat from time to time.
The above details are all self-made diagnosis using my own knowledge. No doctors were ever consulted...
Worse still, rainy hours foiled my FYP team's attempt to shoot time phases video clips of landscapes like buildings, passing traffic, moving clouds and the setting sun during the specific hours when the sun is setting). Though we have past few attempts, the videos we took was not aestically nice enough as there were always big, heavy, grey clouds, blocking the preferred orange highlights of the setting sun in the evening.
The girls went to take the shoot when the weather was good yesterday evening. As you know, Kent and I were playing LAN game yesterday. I refused to go for the shoot yesterday, but the girls still went ahead with us to shoot. I think the worse thing is that they were still shooting time phase shots on buildings yesterday (best, one of them knocked into the video camera, screwing up the time phase shots)! We already had time phase shot clips of buildings! The only one we haven't got well enough was the one on the Benjamin Sheares Bridge with ongoing, passing traffic...
Bah...
Anyway, today, as usual, I was in the school's computer laboratory of T2054 doing on my ACAN assignment two. Finally I was progessing onto something significant today. I manage to model and mapped textures on a picnic basket I made.
I also have done some significant testings on using the "Reactor" plug-in on the 3DMAX programme, in which my assignment would most probably use the plug-in to create realistic water-movement effects, and also cloth effect.
After for so many days, I am finally able to solve the technical problem of binding the primitive object (water texture mapped plane) to the space warp object (the water effect object from the "Reactor" plug-in) and render them properly to see the real water effects with other primitive objects floating in the waters.
But this success is short-termed. Joseph, my teammate for the assignment still have lots of problems and challenges to deal with from what we discover today... There are a real headache...
But we'll overcome. We must. Or we can't graduate and leave this Sufferable Polytechnic (SP) we've been in for three years...
Eiizumi's Crappy/Inspiring Quote or Quotation of this Blog:
"Problems are long and pain-staking challenges which must be overcome to achieve the best satisfaction and have a sense of achievement." ~ Eiizumi
Today. The weather is on the heat and humidity these days. Even after heavy rains, the weather was still very warm and humid.
Because of the stuffiness cause by the heat and humidity, my nasal cavities could be inflamed, again (if my self-made diagnosis is not wrong). That'll cause me to have symptoms like runny nose, dry outer nasal airways, gooey matter of pus and a little blood. My nasal cavities can be inflamed easily if mucus fills up the cavities.
For a long-term of time, the nasal cavities will be sore and inflamed, which make over-production of mucus. This in turn cause mucus shortage which lead to lack of preventive measures to get irritants out of my nasal wall, making the wall to react by producing pus and sometimes made me sniff hard which lead to some extend of bleeding.
All these symptoms in turn cause my throat to be irritated and leading to dry and sore throat due the the mucus and the gooey matter of pus and blood which flowed through my throat from time to time.
The above details are all self-made diagnosis using my own knowledge. No doctors were ever consulted...
Worse still, rainy hours foiled my FYP team's attempt to shoot time phases video clips of landscapes like buildings, passing traffic, moving clouds and the setting sun during the specific hours when the sun is setting). Though we have past few attempts, the videos we took was not aestically nice enough as there were always big, heavy, grey clouds, blocking the preferred orange highlights of the setting sun in the evening.
The girls went to take the shoot when the weather was good yesterday evening. As you know, Kent and I were playing LAN game yesterday. I refused to go for the shoot yesterday, but the girls still went ahead with us to shoot. I think the worse thing is that they were still shooting time phase shots on buildings yesterday (best, one of them knocked into the video camera, screwing up the time phase shots)! We already had time phase shot clips of buildings! The only one we haven't got well enough was the one on the Benjamin Sheares Bridge with ongoing, passing traffic...
Bah...
Anyway, today, as usual, I was in the school's computer laboratory of T2054 doing on my ACAN assignment two. Finally I was progessing onto something significant today. I manage to model and mapped textures on a picnic basket I made.
I also have done some significant testings on using the "Reactor" plug-in on the 3DMAX programme, in which my assignment would most probably use the plug-in to create realistic water-movement effects, and also cloth effect.
After for so many days, I am finally able to solve the technical problem of binding the primitive object (water texture mapped plane) to the space warp object (the water effect object from the "Reactor" plug-in) and render them properly to see the real water effects with other primitive objects floating in the waters.
But this success is short-termed. Joseph, my teammate for the assignment still have lots of problems and challenges to deal with from what we discover today... There are a real headache...
But we'll overcome. We must. Or we can't graduate and leave this Sufferable Polytechnic (SP) we've been in for three years...
Eiizumi's Crappy/Inspiring Quote or Quotation of this Blog:
"Problems are long and pain-staking challenges which must be overcome to achieve the best satisfaction and have a sense of achievement." ~ Eiizumi
A Heavenly Game...
Yesterday evening. Another day ends, another 24 hours to approach... the unknown of either graduating or end up failing a stupid module that teaches nothing but emptiness...
There was a heavenly game on yesterday's evening.
I was finally LAN gamed after not having it for a few weeks (although I did LAN gamed the previous few weeks, there was no sense of satisfaction).
Starngely, I've been unofficially appointed with the title "Father of All Local Area Network (LAN)", initiated by Meng Kiat, followed by others. I was given with this weird title due to my enthusiasm to LAN game (most of us the LAN gaming kakis refer LAN gaming as "LAN", for short abbreviation).
Why the enthusiasm to LAN gaming? I have a home PC that do not allow me to install and play the latest games online and my favourite PC games at home... Although I do play "Command & Conquer: Red Alert 2 - Yuri's Revenge" online at home. I already lost my interest in that game to the new hot favourite LAN game, "Command & Conquer: Generals - Zero Hours". The main purpose of the PC was for me to surf the internet and have some online chat.
That is why I prefer to LAN game outdoors these days...
The LAN gaming kakis were mostly there. There was Meng Kiat, Chee Wee, Kent and I. We played two rounds of 2 versus 2 (Meng Kiat's alliance with me versus Kent and Chee Wee alliance) and two rounds of 1 versus 1 (with me versus Kent).
For the 2 versus 2 rounds, Meng Kiat and I won one round and lost another to Chee Wee and Kent (but the winning is because of Chee Wee and the lost is because of Kent), while I won each a victory and a lost to Kent.
It was fair enough. All the rounds of LAN gaming were total up to basically... a draw. Everyone was happy.
The main focus of yesterday's LAN gaming session was my one-on-one against Kent. For the first round, I won Kent using my favourite and my forte race of "USA Laser General" in the strategy game (with my favourite map of city some more). While Kent used an unfamiliar race of "China Tank General". In that round, I had most of the advantages. With my "Mass Turrets Strategy", I am unstoppable. I defeated him very easily.
I did initially warn him that try not charge in the city occupied by my turret laser defences. But either he was on deaf ears or simply just being stubborn, he went ahead and suffered major defeats.
On the other round, Kent used his familiar "USA Air Force General" race, with his favourite cheaply cost, Aurora bomber units. I used the "GLA Toxin General" race which I'm still not very good at. During the round of the game. I was defending well enough against his Aurora units which were trying to getaway with bombing my units and buildings using a lot of Quad Cannon (Anti-Aircraft Gun) mounted vehicles.
But in the end, due to my inexperience. I failed to build enough Black Markets which would help me supply funds for my attacks on Kent. Every attack I made was a defeat because I didn't have enough funds to build a force massive enough to wipe him off the melee map. I also failed to disrupt his units, supplies and power. I left him time to recover from my repeated attacks. Hence he managed to build a massive force of Hum-Vees as well as stealthy Commaches attack helicopters to defeat me.
At that time of the final defence, I gambled to continue to attack him with my last forces of Scorpion tanks by burrowing into his base. But that was a mistake. I should have use them to defend my base.
But nevermind, although I lost that round, I already won one. Anyway, I knew Kent was a lousy player (in which most of the LAN gaimng kakis also agreed with this statement, even though Kent himself denied stubbornly).
Eiizumi's Crappy/Inspiring Quote or Quotation of this Blog:
"Offence is one of best strategic ways of defence." ~ Eiizumi
Yesterday evening. Another day ends, another 24 hours to approach... the unknown of either graduating or end up failing a stupid module that teaches nothing but emptiness...
There was a heavenly game on yesterday's evening.
I was finally LAN gamed after not having it for a few weeks (although I did LAN gamed the previous few weeks, there was no sense of satisfaction).
Starngely, I've been unofficially appointed with the title "Father of All Local Area Network (LAN)", initiated by Meng Kiat, followed by others. I was given with this weird title due to my enthusiasm to LAN game (most of us the LAN gaming kakis refer LAN gaming as "LAN", for short abbreviation).
Why the enthusiasm to LAN gaming? I have a home PC that do not allow me to install and play the latest games online and my favourite PC games at home... Although I do play "Command & Conquer: Red Alert 2 - Yuri's Revenge" online at home. I already lost my interest in that game to the new hot favourite LAN game, "Command & Conquer: Generals - Zero Hours". The main purpose of the PC was for me to surf the internet and have some online chat.
That is why I prefer to LAN game outdoors these days...
The LAN gaming kakis were mostly there. There was Meng Kiat, Chee Wee, Kent and I. We played two rounds of 2 versus 2 (Meng Kiat's alliance with me versus Kent and Chee Wee alliance) and two rounds of 1 versus 1 (with me versus Kent).
For the 2 versus 2 rounds, Meng Kiat and I won one round and lost another to Chee Wee and Kent (but the winning is because of Chee Wee and the lost is because of Kent), while I won each a victory and a lost to Kent.
It was fair enough. All the rounds of LAN gaming were total up to basically... a draw. Everyone was happy.
The main focus of yesterday's LAN gaming session was my one-on-one against Kent. For the first round, I won Kent using my favourite and my forte race of "USA Laser General" in the strategy game (with my favourite map of city some more). While Kent used an unfamiliar race of "China Tank General". In that round, I had most of the advantages. With my "Mass Turrets Strategy", I am unstoppable. I defeated him very easily.
I did initially warn him that try not charge in the city occupied by my turret laser defences. But either he was on deaf ears or simply just being stubborn, he went ahead and suffered major defeats.
On the other round, Kent used his familiar "USA Air Force General" race, with his favourite cheaply cost, Aurora bomber units. I used the "GLA Toxin General" race which I'm still not very good at. During the round of the game. I was defending well enough against his Aurora units which were trying to getaway with bombing my units and buildings using a lot of Quad Cannon (Anti-Aircraft Gun) mounted vehicles.
But in the end, due to my inexperience. I failed to build enough Black Markets which would help me supply funds for my attacks on Kent. Every attack I made was a defeat because I didn't have enough funds to build a force massive enough to wipe him off the melee map. I also failed to disrupt his units, supplies and power. I left him time to recover from my repeated attacks. Hence he managed to build a massive force of Hum-Vees as well as stealthy Commaches attack helicopters to defeat me.
At that time of the final defence, I gambled to continue to attack him with my last forces of Scorpion tanks by burrowing into his base. But that was a mistake. I should have use them to defend my base.
But nevermind, although I lost that round, I already won one. Anyway, I knew Kent was a lousy player (in which most of the LAN gaimng kakis also agreed with this statement, even though Kent himself denied stubbornly).
Eiizumi's Crappy/Inspiring Quote or Quotation of this Blog:
"Offence is one of best strategic ways of defence." ~ Eiizumi
