心動
By 林曉培



有多久沒見你　以為你在那裡
原來就住在我心底　陪伴著我的呼吸
有多遠的距離　以為聞不到你氣息
誰知道你背影這麼長　回頭就看到你

過去讓它過去　來不及
從頭喜歡你　白雲纏繞著藍天
如果不能夠永遠走在一起
也至少給我們懷念的勇氣　擁抱的權利
好讓你明白　我心動的痕跡

過去讓它過去　來不及
從頭喜歡你　白雲纏繞著藍天
如果不能夠永遠走在一起
也至少給我們懷念的勇氣　擁抱的權利
好讓你明白　我心動的痕跡

總是想再見你　還試著打探你消息
原來你就住在我的身體
守護我的回憶

~~~~~

A nice song that I almost forgot..

Reminiscing..

The fireworks came once more,

The bursts I do not wish to listen.

The lights fading on my face,

Are like lights clouded by clouds.

I pack your things into a bag,

Thoughts of you appear.

Thoughts of the happiest times with you,

The fun times with you,

The romantic times with you.

I arose awaken back in the fields of memories,

Walking on the path of loneliness.

To the beach where we played,

A mixture of pain and happiness,

That is forever etched in my heart.

I set fire to the bag of memories,

As it burns, images flow.

I regretted, I tried to extinguish the fire,

But there is nothing I can do…

Then I see you again,

With my last hope of your memory in my hand,

I smile.

I see fireworks again.

No News Is Not Exactly Good News

These days I'm STILL not doing anything much at my job.

Yes, it is definitely nice slacking but not all the time. And it certainly scares me when I thought of my work piling up till July. And I know its gonna be hectic is this is going to be this way.

So what am I doing in the office more of the day?

I am surfing online news from CNN, BBC, CNA (Channel News Asia), the Electric New Paper and Today Online. I also read Wikipedia. I am not an information hungry person but leaving my brain to a standstill is not a good idea for me.

If you're asking why I don't research on my job-related designs now, I can only say my magazine design style doesn't really allow me to do anything much unless my bosses allow me to, and those designs are normally conformed to the availablility of resources and the quality of it, before I can think of any concept idea. Only then I can do any proper research. I don't wanna to research blindly.

So now, I shall continue surfing in the sea of information till the end of work time..

Hopefully my bosses pass me something to do, of course..

I Am A Slave..

Oh dear. I lost a bet yesterday and I have to become a slave for Munny for about a week..

The bet was simply who reach home first and log on into our MSN. And when I'm home, I saw Munny's MSN nick,

"Haha! Slave where are you?"

And then I knew I lost the bet.

*Sobz*

FRIEND'S BACK!

Friend's back from her wonderful diving trip. Finally can hear sexy voice again!

And I am going to miss her for another two weeks after this week! Argh!!!

A Day at the Beach~

I went to the beach at Sentosa to relax and tanning along with long-time-no-see friend, Bryan.

Went there just to burn off the Sunday under the warm sun and "nuah" down there..

Nice~

Tired these days.. But still looking handsome.

"BBQ" in progress..

A nice cup of cuppuccino~

Answers.

I rather have straight answers even the questions are burning.

Hate to guess for answers without any clues, it'll only burn me off.

Sometimes people who can give the answers is actually a test of their courage to face over things.

Not giving answers saying that its of one character is just escapism I think.

Xin Ku

What is the most xin ku thing in the world for a person?

To love and hate the same person at the same time.

Because loving a person is not easy, and hating one is easier.

Its a struggle of good versus evil in one's heart when that happened.

And the worst thing to do to a person who loves you is to make him or her hate you.

Tired!

See? Its not good to be slacking most of the time (its not my choice and my fault that I'm slacking). Now, I'm trying to get back to the working mood as the work is starting to bug me again.

The only thing happy on my job is that I finally got my confirmation letter and pay raise (its a secret of how much it it ^.^) and later in the weeks I can finally get my namecard.

Not only at work I'm busy, I'm also busy at play. Went for Claudia's birthday party yesterday at Party World Orchard for a KTV session. It was fun with bubbly Claudia and friends another three of course. Gave a "branded" keychain to Claudia. Hope she like it.

But five of us got to finish 6 big slices of super nice chocolatey cake! *Burp* Sweet but sickening if I eat the whole slice.. I brought the remainder for future cravings

And today, I finally get to lunch date with Miss Linda Lim after reminding her so many times I owe her meals for her reference to my current job and a predecessor job. I really miss her face, but she seems well and good, getting on with her life again.

I gave her my Swarovski crystal which she wanted in hope it'll ward off all evils from her life.

If Memories are like Flowers..



If memories are like flowers..

Why so some parts of the beautiful flower died..

while the bright colours still remain..

Why do some choose to forget..

and why some choose to remember..

Is it that the most beautiful things on Earth always will be in this way..?

Infinity only last for that very moment by choice.

Blood Donation Mission Failure!

Went out with Zane early in the morning at 10am to head down to the Blood Bank @ HSA to donate blood.

I passed everything except when it reach the stage to insert the needle in order to donate my blood, the assistants at the blood donation room rejected me because my veins were just to thin to insert the needle..

The friendly "auntie" assistant asked Zane, "Why does your friend remained so calm when I kept hitting his veins area?"

My answer to that was that I knew I always have problems with medically-trained personnel trying to insert needle into my veins. And so I was non-chalant and steady about the potential failure to insert the needle, which the end result was not surprising to me.

Best friend Elvin who was doing his bio-medical studies during the poly-days did had difficulty when he tried to get blood sample from my vein for his final year project.

And so was when the time when I was in Tekong having fever when two medics poked me THREE TIMES to be successful in order to insert needle in my arm, trying to put me on the IV drip. The last one even over-shot, puncture my vein and cause the IV drip water leak into my whole arm that it was water-swollen.

So when the medical assistants at the blood donation room tried to insert the needle, they had the same problem with me. I was later rejected because I was too challenging. I laughed a bit on my way out.

I told the assistant I was challenging in the first place! Lol.

Zane told me I should trained my arms till "fit-fit" so my veins would get thicker and I wouldn't have such a problem for blood donation next time..



~~~~~

After my failed blood donation mission, we headed down to VivoCity.

We had planned to watch the film, Spider Lilies, and so we went to buy the tickets first before we had our lunch at Super Dog, a fast-food restaurant similar to Carl's Junior except it serves mainly hotdog fast-food.

After our meal, we went for a short window shopping trip, before we start watching our movie.



The movie is quite nice but somehow lacks a firm conclusive ending for the characters in the show, which was pretty stale.

Although the film had lesbian content, nothing really much about homosexuality except its mainly based on why the chracters chose to remember some memories and chose to forget some..

But it was quite nice to watch anyway, as it was some how arty.

I especially love the theme song of the movie.

小茉莉
by Rainie Yang



清晨下了一场雨 露水沾湿了小茉莉

白色花瓣纯洁又清新偷闻着你的呼吸

晚风吹拂青草地 夕阳染红了小茉莉

微笑绽放不言也不语看不透你的秘密

月光青青 薄雾笼罩小茉莉

凝视着你 舍不得离开你

月光青青 薄雾笼罩小茉莉

等候着你 走进我的梦里

小茉莉 是否你会把我忘记

小茉莉 请记得我 还在这里

小茉莉 在枝头上自然美丽

小茉莉 请记得我 不要把我忘记


~~~~~

After the movie, Zane and I started on our (window) shopping spree togther. Walking all over VivoCity's every fashio clothing shops.

In the end we didn't buy anything. We were tired but we enjoyed ourselves and had fun chatting with each other along the way.

After, we had dinner at the Hong Kong Gary Kim restaurant which was quite nice.

We finally decided to go home after a short walk around as we had a long day.

I am really happy going. Its been quite some time I go out with someone I enjoy going with (^.^)

Bloody Sian

My heart is heavily filled with sian-ness.

And I do not wish to know why.

I rather go sleep.

I must BEAR with this sickening feeling.

戀
By 光良



不願承認 不願面對 我真的愛你很深很深
一個笑容 一句話語 都讓我心跳很快很快

每個思索 每個慾望 全被你佔據很滿很滿
無法平靜 不想透露 因為愛你快樂很久很久

情願 醉死在夢裡 當一切都變得無力
情願 為你而美麗 當你呼喚我的名字

情願 默默的隱藏 當它只是一個錯誤
情願 很久的以後 當一切都被時間沖淡

我只會更愛你

~~~~~

A past release song that I never heard before. Nice~

~~~~~

Walking Around..

Yup. Went to town to walk around yesterday.

From City Hall through the CityLink Mall to Suntec City Shopping Mall.

There, I suddenly bought a new simple, light brown leathered, French-made wallet from The Wallet Shop, which I like.

It cost me about almost a hundred bucks. Normally, I would think a hundred bucks for a wallet is pretty expensive as I could buy some cheapo one. But looking at the design and the quality of it, I decide to buy it anyway since I like it.

The new wallet was to replace my "abused" wallet from my last year's birthday, which had torn with some holes due to overloading it with stuff.

I like my old wallet, but too bad it has a hole. So I have to throw it away. What's left of it is a detachable card holer, which I kept it for other uses.

Nice things sometimes just don't last..

Anyway, after that, I walked back to Raffles City to buy Chippy's Cheesy Curry Chicken, where I took it to the Esplanades Walk, just sitting down there, munch on my food, and just enjoy the sea breeze.. alone..

Wonder where would I go again today after work..

Hoping to Mug with Someone.

My days are getting boring. How I wish I can call someone interesting to mug with right now.

All my interesting friends are most probably not free. Alex is not interesting. Elvin is going to school, he's too miser to mug I think (LOL, kidding).

Now, I am thinking whether I should go solo for a city walk alone after work.

Linda abandon her lunch with me again. This time she got a "good" excuse that I didn't bring the Swarovski crystal to give her. Seriously, I wonder when I can really lunch with this kaki of mine. Its been so long I last met her!

I feel a bit stagnant. I just don't feel like walking alone..

Some more dunno where to go. Maybe I'll be going to the Esplanades.

Its been some time I went there..

"I Want To Go To The Beach Under The Sun!"

There goes my weekend, and now is the start of another week..

Haiz.. Days of going into the same things everyday. I'm starting to feel a bit numb of the "rat work" of my rat race. The process of doing designs that are not exactly of my own which are "well done" and then later going to potentially re-do again. The thought of that really just made me sianz..

Janet and June have went to Malaysia for their own separate holidays. One went for beach holiday and another for a diving trip. How nice..

I also feel like dabbing myself under the sun and bake myself in the sand too.. but in Singapore that is.

Well, I hope both of them have a fun trip and sort out their minds to relax so they can better move on with their own rat race lives when they come back. Perhaps it is nice to take a break from work after a long time.

For me, I'm still waiting for mine. Perhaps by then, where I realised, I might have saved enough to go some where in the southern hemisphere for its summer..

Okay, got to run for my rat race liao. Tata.

$117.60

What is the above amount for? This is the amount of money I saved though coins within this two months of work.

That goes to say, it'll take me a total of 10 years or so to save up enough money for my FRIEND to go Egypt! Wahahaha.. (Don't worry, I have other secret saving methods, this is only the coin method.)

Its so fun counting coins sometimes. I still remember the time I save up when I'm small then. Then I love counting them every week and then wrapped them appropriately into packets of muitples of five. For further easy counting in the future.

After when I hit my poly days, I started to splurge, which was unhealthy. But somehow, I manage to to survive those days without my parents support but depended on bursaries.

Now that I'm working, my thrift conciousness is back again. Yet, I also know how to pamper myself too.

In regards to borrowing money and lending money, I have strict principle though. Returning in exact full amount, no more, no less, no intrest (unless you're a bank or loan shark) is a must. Even if its myself borrowing money or lending people money, I always return as fast as I possibly can. Cos' you never know when that person needed that money when he lend you that sum.

When people borrow money from me, I expected the same. Depending on the person's credit history, I will chase the debt with some tenacity in according to the person's ability and history.

Treats for people is normally give and forget that kind of thing for me. Unless the person always trying "suck" me and take me for a sucker, normally I wouldn't be cautious about treats. I guess everyone is the same for this. But situation should be case by case I think.

If a person is treated by you, if he's not a proven bastard, I think there'll be a time when he returns the favour and grace to you, many folds. Its only the matter of time. If the person doesn't return you that favour at all, bad karma would find the person somehow. And good karma will follow to be given to you.

The world is round they say, what you do to others, you will find they'll do to you.

Bear no evil and negative thoughts will make you a happier person and spreading happiness around.

In Touch With Friends

Its been really quite long that I contacted some of my friends. And I really missed them all. They're the ones who made me laugh and cheer my life up.

I feel so bless to still have them by my side, no matter what you are. And my friends miss me too. This kind of feeling feels so good.

There's Linda, Shahid, Claudy, Junlong and many others whom I have yet have the apporopriate time to meet.

~~~~~

Went out with Vel and Joe yesterday for dinner at Marina Square.

Before we met, I went for a short shopping walk and got myself a unique Zara T-shirt. It quite expensive for just one shirt but I bought it anyway cos' I think its really unique.

After their massage session, I finally met Joe and Vel for dinner. We had Carl's Jr. I guess my appetite have grown big suring my days at my company Affluent. After I ate finished my meal set, I still continue munching on the fries and onion rings of theirs..

People have been saying I'm getting fat on my face.. Guess it'll be exercise day for me tomorrow.

After dinner, we went for a movie, a local file called Men in White, or "Gui Ah! Gui Ah!" in mandarin. It is a typical Singaporean flick. Its lame. There's even Teochew, Hokkien and Cantonese langauge in it. The best are the Canto or Teochew Hip Hip rapping songs. Pretty cool. Some parts are quite funny but I still think its quite a waste of money. I rather watch it on a Monday.

Been going out for these past few days. I guess, if no one ask me out this weekend, it'll be a stay-home weekend.

My God! Lock the Damn Door!

Wah lau. Almost woke out and see something not-that-nice this morning just now. Just walk into my parents' master bedroom and almost saw my mum doing her business in the bathroom in full view.

Luckily I only opened the master bedroom door half-way so I didn't see anything more. This is because the bathhroom had no door as it was still under renovation.

Piang, hope she can lock the bedroom door next time, at least. And this is not the first time my parents didn't lock doors. Even for the other bathroom, they also didn't lock the bathroom door which is in place.

Locking doors are a good habit especially when your family don't usually knock on doors, and when your family even did knock on doors, they didn't ask for permission before they go in. It make perfect sense. What happen if someone is changing clothes in their room, and you just knock and walk right in?

~~~~~

I was tired last night. Something I say and do for a long time. But it definitely feels good to sleep earlier than the usual 2am.

Why have I been sleeping late these days? It was because I have been chatting with FRIEND (my source of laughter to forget my own worldly woes) as well as I'm starting to get a bit tired of work.

I have been working for three months already, and I think I am getting numbed by work that is similar everyday. This is most probably going to lead to complecency which I don't want to, as it affects my performance. I don't to be that way. I want to work properly. I want to be better.

I have been thinking about a short holiday. But the thoughts of spending money that I just manage to save for this few months made me think twice, as I thought to myself, "If the moment I feel tired, and all I wanted is to just take a holiday, wouldn't this pattern of 'work and escapism' continue for the rest of my life, and my pocket will be most probably empty when I can use the money to finance bigger dreams?"

So I think for now, I just need to tahan a while. Rewards will naturally come. Don't blow it asking for it when it could be bigger! Even though, it take some time to grow even bigger.

Anyway, my three months of probation is coming to an end. And I am excited about my pay increment (^.^)

I was taking cab with Lucy, the chief accountant of my company group, to Jurong East so as to meet up Janet for dinner when Lucy revealed that our Vice Chairwoman, Jacklyn is going to confirm my employment and give me my pay raise : )

~~~~~

After work yesterday, I went to meet up with Janet for dinner and for a chit-chat relax. Both of us just got off work after a long day.

It is nice to just talk cock with a friend after work. Relaxes the mind.

But I couldn't talk to her for too long after she tried to tempt to go MoS as it was ladies' night yesterday. I am playful, therefore I'm a bit tempted to go.

Luckily I held out staying away from the temptation (ha ha ha), as I'm just too tired.

~~~~~

Actually I almost entered into an argument with a friend the night before yesterday. Luckily, we both manage to pull out of it before we go into something deeper and make things more sour.

For my part, I guess I wasn't really stable the night before yesterday either as recently I have beeen sick of work that kind of feeling. Going into an argument is the last thing I want, cos' it simply makes everyone unhappy.

I went Orchard for some shopping and was feeling better. The last thing I want is to make my mood down hill again.

But of course, I have my own stubbornness. Sometimes, I just want people to get my point so much to the point that I'm pretty aggressive (and it feels somewhat offensive) but not in the sense that I'm offensive that I'll harm people's feelings.

Harming other people's feelings is the final last straw, which I hope I don't have to do it in my life. Simply because I don't want people to do the same to me.

I have a principle, "treat people that I want to be treated".

As much as possible, I would want to be a compose and be the wisest understanding person in the whole wide world. But I really wonder if being understanding also meant being forgiving people easily. I guess this applies to everyone who is human.

I already forgave that friend (I can't really say "forgiveness" is the right term to use, as to me, she doesn't really did anything wrong. She's just protecting herself in some way).

I can only say I understand her sparkles and her flaws.

I am only aggressive too if I wanted to to protect myself. No one wanted to be taken granted. Just that we're all victims of circumstances.

Hence, I always have this motto, as the same from my secondary school, "To Love and To Forgive."

: )

: |

How come when the best thing you have (I just bought a new Hip Hop V album today, with lots of goodies inside), and the first person you want to share with, is friend whom you treasure a lot and you know she'll most probably like the thing you share with her..

But in the end, "...I don't need friends who are like that."

How hurtful.. Tried to close one eye when I see my past testimonials all deleted..

Don't know what to say. Dissappointed?

Signal Fire
by Snow Patrol



The perfect words never crossed my mind,
'cause there was nothing in there but you,
I felt every ounce of me screaming out,
But the sound was trapped deep in me,
All I wanted just span right past me,
While I was rooted fast to the earth,
I could be stuck here for a thousand years,
Without your arms to drag me out,

There you are standing right in front of me
There you are standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety

No I wont wait forever
No I wont wait forever

In the confusion and the aftermath,
You are my signal fire,
The only resolution and the only joy,
Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes,

There you are standing right in front of me
There you are standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety,

There you are standing right in front of me
There you are standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety,

No I wont wait forever
No I wont wait forever
No I wont wait forever

Sian-ness.

If you people guessed correctly what's my previous post is about.

Yes, its about watching movies. I had watched Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End, with Elvin, on Tuesday. And I was hoping to watch Shrek 3. If you think there's something deeper about it, there'll be something deeper about it.

~~~~~

And I did watch Shrek 3 yesterday evening at a very impromptu notice. June was watching with Sebby and they got a couple of spare tix to pass it to me. And so I called another friend. Tried calling all of my girl friends first (ha ha), before calling Alex, even though he was the most obvious available choice.

But anyway, I watched it with basically Alex and then we had dinner, and after that, club at MoS.

Janet did promised us to go join us to club yesterday instead of tonight. But still she "flew our aeroplane" the last minute (and for the third time) becos' she had a friend from KL whom she had to take care off and he was wearing slippers so she can't bring him along.. And with only me and Alex, it was not as fun having an extra person to make the fun more merrier.

We forgave her. But she'll have to owe us a jug of housepour *Grinz*

Anyway, I treated the session more as a chill-out bah. It was the both of them who really wanted to club. I am not in the mood to really club. Just want to enjoy the moment or something.

Why you might ask?

I simply don't know. It just feel a little depressing these days. I don't know if I am "dying" to do something different or what. The boredom at office working alone might be the cause. It is just not happening, unless related to work.

Office socialising wise is almost zero other than with my bosses. The only good thing is there's no office politics.

I know I needed a short holiday soon. Yet, I am also relunctant to do so. I do not know why. I'm a bit lost, a bit unhappy.. But I never show that to the people when I'm outside. Only FRIEND can tell and sense I'm a bit down or something.

Maybe its my PMT. Or maybe I'm lacking some sort of happiness recently..

Wanting To Get Away..

I am starting to feel a little tired.

Feel like going on a trip away from reality.

My heart is locked in a chest, with it the pains of the cut.

I just want to sail away.. to far, far away..